


Scarred Dancer

by FanPanApproves, Hysteriousity



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Ackerman, Adorable, AttackontitanDancers, Eren dances, F/F, F/M, Kawaii, Levi dances, Light Yaoi, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attack, Rivaille - Freeform, Sad Eren, Shounen, Shounen ai, Sweet, Yaoi, aotdancing, aotyaoi, ereri, fluff for now, riren - Freeform, slow, snk, trigger warning, will add more tags later, yaoi later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-25
Updated: 2016-12-07
Packaged: 2018-02-18 16:36:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 31,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2355194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanPanApproves/pseuds/FanPanApproves, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hysteriousity/pseuds/Hysteriousity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren is a former dancer. All he ever wanted to do was please his mother so he decided that his reason to dance was to see her smile. But when she dies in attempt to make an important performance and when he takes a fall, dancing for Eren is never the same. He blames himself everyday for his mothers death. Eren hasn't danced in front of anyone for four years in fear of the same thing happening to him. He has no intentions of showing anyone. Although, who would have guessed that the day he gets caught dancing in front of what seemed to be the wrong person would change his life completely?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Entering Eren

Why do people dance?

There are quite a few reasons as to why people dance. Every dancer has their own reason as to why they dance. Whether it’s that they just enjoy the arts or it’s a deeper meaning. Some people dance to get away from their worries. To escape their demons for as long as they could. Others dance to share their story. Some dance for others. Others dance for just themselves and no one in particular. That doesn't make them selfish, that just means that they have no one to dance for. The movement of their bodies sets off a specific vibe that leaves the audience to decide. Whether it’s an excited and happy vibe to tell about ones joy in life, or it’s a depressing and angry vibe to tell about the hatred for the world.

Anyone can dance. You don’t have to be particularly good at it, but anyone can dance. Some are just luckier than others. Some get noticed quickly because they put their moves out there. Others are the shy types who dance in their rooms or whenever they get the chance to be alone and refuse to share their beauty.

There are people who don’t even know that they can dance even if they have been doing it for many years. Some have the worst stories. A small bit of them have marks of evidence. But it’s very rare to see a dancer like that.

But, that’s just what I think.

\--^--^--

My name is Eren Jaeger, and I tell stories with my movement. I’m one of those unlucky souls with who had a rough childhood. I live alone with my sister and my best friend. Where are my parents you say? Oh, that’s easy; my dad rarely comes home and causes hell when he decides to. And my mother found herself a way to escape his hell and ended up somewhere in heaven when I was 14. Although her death wasn't her fault nor was it my father’s, surprisingly. It was nothing but my own.

That was my downfall. I had an accident the exact same day that she had gone. It was something that almost ruined my career as a dancer. Although I was lucky to have actually been able to walk or run after such an accident. Sometimes I wonder if I was better off being unable to dance.

The accident was embarrassing, heartbreaking, and painful at the same time. I couldn't dance for a while. I was thankful to have a fast recovery and it took me a while to get back on my feet. Dancing was out of the question for what seemed like forever.

But I slowly got back up. I didn’t dance so quickly. It was never the same and I hated it. I wasn't so light on my feet anymore. I had to be fairly careful with my leg movement. I tried to focus on other things besides dancing like school but after my mom kicked the bucket and my dad hit the road, I couldn’t focus on anything. Dancing was extremely hard to do because I was always so distracted by that bitter memory of me falling back down all over again. And I didn’t want to ruin my reputation as a student; I still made fairly poor attempts. It was no surprise that I was failing regardless of my horrible attempts.

I hardly ever danced because it hurt to. Physical and mental pain isn’t the best thing when you’re trying to move around and be creative with your body. So I decided that I wouldn’t dance. I’d stop for a while and only dance when I had nothing better to do. But I couldn’t even do that. I can’t do many things right in this world. Every plan that I make never goes.

I still dance now but just not in front of people. I’m shy and I hate even talking about performances because it gives me anxiety even if I’m not going to be in it. The thought of it just scares me to death. So instead, I dance all alone in my tiny room but leave people with the impression that I simply enjoy music. I’d blast a playlist. Whatever plays next, plays and I’ll still dance to it. I’d dance for hours when I get home, pushing homework aside to when I actually begin to grow tired.

I arranged my room in a way that I’ll have space to move around. I had to. Otherwise I’d be tripping over stuff, bumping into things and falling everywhere. I can’t afford to fall again. You’d be surprised to see how clean I have to keep my room to avoid another accident. You’d think that my room looks like a hurricane just because that’s what every teenager’s room looks like. But nearly, everything is organized. Clothes hung up, CDs and records organized by genre. I pushed my bed up against the wall in the corner, my dresser is beside my bed against the wall to the left. My other dresser is off in the corner in front of my bed beside the air conditioner that we placed in my room. And the computer is on the other side of my air conditioner. My TV is by the door and my closet is behind the door when it’s opened. So I have enough space to do anything from stretching to dancing to perfecting various flips. My carpet is soft and brown while my walls are beige. I have various posters of people from shows and different bands as well as dancers and other art pieces. In the corner between my heater and dresser is a portable piano and against the air conditioner is a guitar.

I dabble a bit in that area but just like dancing, nobody knows. It’s not as important as dancing is to me. But it’s definitely something I can do without embarrassment and shame from memories of my previous incident. Dance is far more important to me than playing any instrument is.

I dance to any kind of music. From rock to hip-hop to jazz to acoustic type songs to instrumental. Anything. I always find a way. I don’t know what you’d call the type of dances that I do. Because I don’t know what it would be myself. I just dance. It’s hard not to dance when I hear music. But I’m far too embarrassed to express myself publicly. I just memorize the song so I can dance to it later. You can probably guess how many songs I have in my playlist, most of it illegally downloaded of course. I’d do anything for music. Yes, I’m one of those types.

Speaking of types, I have a certain way in which I dress as well. I usually wear baggy pants and a sweatshirt or sweatpants and a tight tank top or t-shirt. If not that, than I wear some jeans and a band shirt. Some days I’d wear tight pants and a band shirt or a regular t-shirt. I could even pull of wearing khakis and a dress shirt. Armin says I can pull off any look. Mikasa’s says my only problem is my hair because I never paid much attention to it. It did everything on its own when I didn’t wash it in the shower. But even then, it returns to its normal style and stays that way.

My style stands out. And that’s the only thing I’m proud of. Despite my love for dance. I’m not proud of myself when it comes down to that category. I have those little demons that remind that because I dance, my mother is gone. But I can’t bring myself to stop again. Even if I wanted to. The only thing that would cause me to stop, is having another accident and you could see how much I’m trying to avoid that. Another accident means that my life is definitely over.

I thought about going to the local dance club for underground dancers and performing there. But I would probably die when I take a step on stage. I also thought about auditioning at the theater that I clean every other day. Many dancers have performed there and I always wondered what it was like to be one of them. To perform a solo or a duet and just dance to my hearts dismay until people know exactly how I really feel about myself.

Neither Mikasa nor Armin know that I dance because when I’m in my room dancing, I lock the door and if they need me they have to knock really hard or call me which is most likely connected to my computer or my speakers. Otherwise, I refuse to keep my door unlocked. I don’t completely lock myself out from my friends. Of course I hang out with them when I’m not dancing. Like me, Armin, and Mikasa do homework together. We all go to the same school. We walk to and from school together. We hang out at lunch. We hang out after school. The only thing is, that once we get home, we’re all doing things. Armin is studying and Mikasa is practicing. (She likes boxing so we bought her a pair of boxing glove with her initials and also a punching bag to match) so she is in top shape because that’s something she does every day. But unlike me, it’s something we know she does. Same thing with Armin who’s a violinist and only plays when he isn’t studying so everyone knows that because we could hear him playing sometimes. I’d dance to his playing sometimes even. Mikasa and Armin think that I only play the guitar or the piano. They don’t know that I still dance.

But if they did, imagine what they’d do. They’d probably constantly pressure me about getting my stuff together. Like the good friends they are, they’d probably sign me up for classes and have me perform and stuff and then let the same thing happen all over again. I lose two things at once and it’s always caused by me. So I’d probably be re-living the same hell again. And who wants that? I know I don’t. I want anything but that. All I want to do is be able to dance without any worries. Without people pressuring me. Without people asking me how I’m dancing is going or if I’m ready for the performance that changed my life completely.

I know I’m dwelling too much on the past but who wouldn’t when the woman that gave birth to them died because of them. I’ll always live with that regret.

I regret that I ever started dancing in the first place. Had I just been a normal child and thrown away the idea of even dancing just a little, no doubt that my mother would still be here with me. I was always hesitant to dance. And I wait for the day when dancing wouldn’t be such an addiction. When you’ve been doing something for a while, it’s hard to stop so easily. It’s like smoking. It’s that feeling that you get that you just long to feel once more but it’s never the same. I don’t know the exact reason as to why I dance without reason. I don’t know any other feeling besides regret that I want to feel again. Am I looking for something? What am I waiting for? I don’t want anyone to dance for. I don’t want to dance at all. But as a start, I’ll just say that I want to dance less.

But even though deep down inside I’m sure that I want to quit.

\--^--^--

I plopped down on my bed, music blasting louder than my own breathing. I’ve been going at it for at least 5 hours. I got home at 3 o’clock and now it’s 8. Mikasa would be knocking on the door any second now telling me that dinner was ready. I’ve recently been working on a particular move for a dance that I’m making. I’ve made many and I still remember all of them. Every move, every stop, every spin, everything. I’ve made at least 6 dances on my own. And I’ve never showed a single soul. Nobody but myself.

I suddenly got up, ready to start up again. I was angry at the thought that crossed my mind. No, it wasn’t a thought. It was just a memory.

\- “Let me go see her!”

“Eren lay back down!”

“Let go of me! I have to see my mother!”

“Eren please. You have to calm down. You can’t do anything in the position you’re in.”

“She can’t be gone. I need to see her. I need to see her!!

Let me go!” -

I remember everything like it was yesterday. It was a horrible memory. I remember breaking down in that hospital bed. I remember that I was just crazy and that I couldn’t believe the truth. I didn’t know what reality was. I thought that it was all a lie. A dream. But when the truth hit me, I was already at rock bottom and was no longer able to fall anymore. Broken into pieces while regret filled every inch of my body.

My thought was interrupted by a loud knocking on my door. I went to the computer and paused the song that was playing. (The One You Feed by Crown the Empire) and grabbed a towel to dry my face before walking to, and unlocking the door then opening it. No surprise that it was Mikasa. I’d have to hide the evidence of pain on my face. She came at a bad time since I was busy sitting in the past and drowning in regret. So I greeted her with a small smile and tried to find a way to distract myself from my thoughts while she spoke

“Hey. It’s time for dinner come on.” She said, standing in the doorway and waiting for me to put my towel down and follow her down to the kitchen. Which I did a few seconds later. I used her as a distraction and decided to examine what she was wearing. She had a black tank top on and a pair of grey how shorts. Her hair was pulled down. Her face was usual. Straight but sweet.

I don’t care what anyone says about her. When you look her in the eyes, you see someone sweet, strong, and protective. She was more like another mother to me than a sister but she still couldn’t replace my mother no matter how hard she tried. She would always be thought of as my sister and my best friend.

Once we got to the table, we took a seat and began eating. Armin began talking about what happened in one of classes and Mikasa was talking about the many sports that she does. Not just her playing it but how they were that particular day. The usual. I never spoke much of my day even when I was asked. Although dinner time was never awkward because I didn’t talk about my day. It’s just that nothing interesting ever happened besides my daily fights with the bum stallion. No, stallion is too much of a complement; he’s just a bum horse that picks on me any chance I get. Jean Kirstein.

He always makes fun of me and no matter what I tell myself, I always end up getting annoyed and fighting back. We get far into until either Freckled Jesus breaks it up. Freckled Jesus is also known as Marco Bott. People started calling Marco that because he’s always there when we need him. So whenever he gets what we need or does something for us without us needing to ask, we always say things like “Oh my gosh, Marco, you’re my savior. Thank you so much.” Not to mention the fact that in the light, he’s like an angel or something. There are those times when you could practically see his wings. And I know for a fact that I’m not the only one. The freckled part is pretty obvious since he has a bunch of freckles on his face.

Jean, on the other hand, is the complete opposite of Marco. I don’t even know why they’re so close. They’re always together and we all have our little suspicions with that but none of us have the guts to ask. But of course the first thing that comes to mind for me would be, “Oh Marco. Why him out of all people?” And I’m pretty sure, once again, that I’m not the only person who thinks that. I already know Mikasa thinks the same thing. Armin just knows.

I also know that Mikasa is just thankful for the fact that Jean isn’t crushing on her anymore. A few years ago, Jean had the worst crush on my sister. He had these horrible pickup lines, always tried to get her to like him, gave her many things for Christmas and Valentine’s day, And of course Mikasa always rejected him coldly. And I was always there to assist her and help get him off her back. It usually ends with us nearly fighting but I was just trying to protect my sister from falling for the man with the long face because he was always rejected. Eventually something happened with Jean and he stops going after my sister’s ass and is instead going after Marco’s. Seems like he got it now because they’re far too close.

Poor Marco.

Armin brought up the particular topic of the arts when he spoke about him playing violin. He talked about how he’s been trying to learn a certain song but keeps messing up. With the way he talks about it, it seems like a really hard song to learn.

“I’m pretty sure you’ll get it soon.” I said reassuringly. It’s not that he seemed down about, just a bit frustrated. But we all get like that sometimes. But Armin usually gets through challenges easily. He finds all sorts of ways to get through things faster and easier. And it’s because he’s Armin. A blond haired, blue eye, brainiac who has to one of the best friends anyone can find. He has the best advice for anything and always knows when something is wrong. You get lucky if you could slip things past him. The same goes with Mikasa. Only for me and Armin. You only get lucky to slip things like that right past them.

I guess that makes me lucky.

\--^--^--

There wasn’t much to say about the rest of last night, once I finished my dinner I rushed to get my homework done, danced to one last song, took a shower, and somehow managed to go to bed at around 10. I preferred to be asleep by at least 11 or 12 but I guess 10 was okay.

I’m glad that it’s Friday. But it sucks that I’m sitting here in English waiting for that bell to ring so I could go to lunch. It’s not that I was extremely hungry; I was just tired of sharing a room with horse crap. Not to mention this was one of the classes that put me to sleep. Thinking about it though, almost every class put me to sleep. The teacher was talking about how we might have a test or something on Monday about who gives a crap, I have never realized just how irrelevant school was to me. I’m lucky that I’m not failing completely because I have to hand in my homework. That’s one thing Armin bothers me about to the point where I hear it in my dreams. “Well Eren if you did your homework the little dancer would have been here today” or some weird crap like that. I really have the weirdest dreams but oh well whatever. Either that or... “She probably wouldn’t be on your case so much if you handed in your homework.” And then he’d give me those damned eyes that could freaking stop trapping and told me that he’d help me do it if I needed it. Now because of him I do my homework ever night. I think that besides tests and projects and other annoying crap, that’s what keeps my grade up to at least a C or D. Even though that isn’t perfect.

Throughout the time that I had been lost in thought, I hadn’t ever realized that the bell had rung until Armin tapped me on my shoulder to tell me that it was time to go. And I was supposed to be watching the clock and waiting for it to ring.

I gathered my things and stood, throwing my bag over my shoulder and following behind Armin who already started walking to meet Mikasa. She was most likely in front of the cafeteria waiting so we could go find a table and eat even though we generally have our own table to eat at with horse crap, freckled Jesus, potato girl, and Connie. We really need to come up with a name for Connie even though right now he’s just… Connie. Oh and Potato Girl would be Sasha Braus who has at least three stomachs. Maybe even more. She could probably eat an entire horse if she wanted to. So that’s how she got that name.

Just like I guessed, Mikasa was standing in front of the cafeteria waiting for Armin and I. We both greeted her and she replied with a simple ‘hey’. And with that, we went into the cafeteria and took our seats at the normal table.

I never usually ate lunch. Well I did but it was usually just an apple or an orange or some kind of fruit. I didn’t by the school’s lunch or bring my own lunch like Mikasa or Armin. Even when they did ask, I usually just grabbed one of the many fruit that we have sitting in a bowl on the table before heading out for school. As a secret dancer, I have to manage some kind of good diet. For breakfast, Mikasa usually cooks us something and I would only eat the eggs or the toast. I found that as enough to fill me up. Especially because I’m so used to eating that. I could never eat more than that. Same thing with lunch. I could barely eat more than too pieces of fruit or just a small salad.

Despite my reason for dancing, I still need to actually be able to dance. So I’m forced to maintain a well diet but I don’t usually go out to the gym and exercise or anything. The most that I would do is stretch, do a few simple warm-ups and that was all. Nothing more. Then I start doing it. Dancing for hours on end until I could barely move. That’s my kind of torture. I never feel good when I dance because I always I have one certain memory in my head and that’s the worst kind of memory I could have.

Today for lunch I have an orange and a bottle of water. Mikasa and Armin have leftovers. Sasha’s eating whatever’s for lunch and whatever Connie isn’t. I don’t even want to look at Jean—I mean horse crap—because I’m pretty sure he’s over there enjoying a nice plate of hay. Marco is most-likely enjoying some normal food. Connie’s cracking a bunch of jokes so every few moments there’s roaring laughter from our table. Lunchtime is always one of the best times of the school day besides the end of the day. Although lunch would be even better had Jean not decided to start cracking jokes about me like always. It’s always so irritating and so no matter how many times I tell myself to, I always begin to grow annoyed by him.

“Shut up and go back to your stable.” I said taking a sip of my water while making an attempt to remain calm and try not to raise my voice or get a bit too angry (which, for the record, happened anyways)

“I bet you’re just jealous because I have better grades then you do.” He retorted and of course I got annoyed because of that.

“Like hell I am!” I stood up and he did to. I was glaring at him and about to start talking again (Well, maybe yelling but whatever) until Marco interrupted right on cue.

“Now, now, guys. Calm down. Can’t we all just be friends?” He said calmly with that genuine smile. For the oddest reason, I was suddenly at ease. I took my seat and jean followed. We were all quiet before Connie started talking again. And this time, Sasha joined him. They were definitely one of a kind. The tension create was gone. Like always.

This was exactly how lunch went every day. It wasn’t lunch unless me and horse face got into some type of altercation and Marco calmed us down.

The daily routine. And then the bell would ring signaling the end of lunch and we’d all go our separate ways.

\--^--^--

Upon ending school, I’d be heading straight to work until about 6 o’clock. I managed to get a simple job as a custodian in a large theater. Not a movie theater but the performance theater. It wasn’t too far from my house so it was pretty convenient. I get paid enough for just sweeping, wiping up messes, and cleaning bathrooms. I recently got the privilege to clean the stage after every show. Or between shows. The next show wasn’t until I’d be leaving.

I dropped my stuff off in the closet and grabbed a broom so I can sweep around the area where the seats are. I never really got that dirty. But there were the occasional gum wrappers, bottles or whatever. And apparently the guy that manages this place likes it clean so that the audience doesn’t get a bad impression. Same thing with bathrooms. They have to be clean and they can’t smell horrible. This place was nothing like the place for underground talents where they didn’t really give a damn. This place was the real deal.

I began sweeping around and being sure to get between, behind, and underneath the seats. I had to be thorough and make sure that I didn’t miss a row. I had to get every single one. Even though most would think that this takes forever to do because of how may seats there were. But it really was a breeze. It usually takes me less than 20 minutes.

And with that, I move on to the halls. That took at least 10 minutes depending on how fast I want to move. Sometimes I like to take my time since I wasn’t in much of a rush. The challenge had to be the stage and doing both bathrooms because there are one or two stalls in which the toilet is clogged. And I wonder how exactly people do that. I also have to replace the soap, wipe down the sinks and counters, and clean each toilet and then mop. That takes more time than anything. The stage takes time because it’s so big. I have to mop that down after sweeping. It’s usually dried by the time I finished up the bathrooms and I had to go home.

Sometimes I’d purposely finish everything early just so I can watch the performers practice since I couldn’t always stay during shows. Only on Saturdays and Thursdays. Those were usually the days where big performers perform and because I worked there, I was able to watch the shows for free. Most of them were amazing and worth watching. That’s the good side of my job.

\--^--^--

I managed to finish everything by at least 5:30. While I was putting everything back into the supply closet.  
'You shout it out...

But I can’t hear a word you said.'

They were testing the sound system. I was sure of it. But my knowing what they were doing didn’t stop the fact that I nearly dropped everything because of the sudden music. They don’t do this often but when they did, It was usually just as I was about to leave.

I finished my business in the supply closet and began walking to the bathroom just so I could wash my hands and get going. Once I entered the bathroom, I did exactly what I intended. Washed my hands. Although I cursed at the guy who decided that he’d put speakers everywhere so we could hear the music in the bathroom as well because I suddenly got the urge to move. I consistently told myself that the only place I was allowed to dance was at home where I was sure to be alone. That’s what I intended to do. And I also told myself not to dance because I felt like it or because I felt joy in it. Because I definitely felt little to no joy in dancing. All I ever felt while I moved was pain.

And if I didn’t, a horrible memory or a nightmare would kick my ass all on its own.

'You shoot me down

But I won’t fall.

I am titanium...'

It was all too tempting but I shouldn’t do it. I haven’t dance anywhere except for my room in a long time and I don’t intend to. I just hate feeling so tempted. It ruins me. Then I do something I regret.

'You shoot me down

But I won’t fall

I am titanium!!'

I sighed

Right then and there, I began to move my body. My bag had already found itself on the floor as I moved. It was quick. Loose yet tight. And it was simple. Eyes closed as I moved swiftly. Pulling. Sliding. Pushing. Turning. Then I brought my arms forward to do a simple arm movement. It was all too familiar to me as I moved. I found myself doing one of the dances that I learned in dance class years ago. The familiarity of the dance was more than enough to make me stop because the pain I felt in my chest was slowly becoming unbearable and I eventually slowed to stop. The door just so happened to have opened and a man walked in.

I brought my arms above my head and stretched out my back. Then I bent down to pick up my bag and throw it over my shoulder. Just as I adjusted my clothes, the man walked by me. We made eye contact for a brief second before he turned into one of the stalls. I hurriedly shuffled out of there. I needed to head home.

That’s where I’d rather be. Sitting there and remembering everything I did wrong with my life.

Remember just how tortuous dance was too me and just how bad it was for me to do it. And how I’d do it anyways just to feel the pain because I didn’t deserve happiness. Murders don’t deserve any kind of happiness.

And I was a murderer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading to the end! Please leave feedback! I might try to introduce Levi in the next chapter. Just let me know what you think. Pleeeaaassseee
> 
> Song: Titanium by David Guetta ft. Sia


	2. The Chandelier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. Here's chapter 2! Sorry for any mistakes!

_“I’m sorry.” I whispered and looked down to ignore my mother’s disappointed face._

_My mother had just found out that I had a performance in a few days. She was upset because I hadn’t told her sooner. She had many things to do on that specific day and it she probably wouldn’t be able to come. I wanted her to. But I knew she wouldn’t be able to. It was my fault for telling so last minute when I’ve known about it for weeks. She was upset that I didn’t tell her beforehand like I always did._

_“Don’t apologize Eren. It’s okay. I’m not sure that I’ll be able to make it. But still, do your best.”_

_I looked up and saw that genuine smile of hers and realized that I didn’t just want her to come to the performance. I needed her to. That smile was that one thing that would get me through the performance. One of the most important ones of my life. I’d finally gotten a solo. And it’s also said that someone would be coming to watch in search of a new talent. I needed that spot. I needed my mother there to help me get through it without a problem. Mikasa would be there, but it wasn’t exactly the same. She was there for everything._

_“Thanks mom. I will. I promise.”_

_\--^--^--_

_That promise was quickly broken. I had been dancing to my heart’s content during my solo. All eyes were on me as I moved across the stage. I had been warned to be careful and try not to go too close to the edge of the stage. The choreography had me going close to the edge of the stage at one point so I was making sure to be careful. I was pretending that my mother was in the audience watching and smiling at me. Being proud. My eyes had been closed._

_I had been proud of myself as well._

_One of the reasons I danced was for my mother. She was always proud of me in that area. I wasn’t the best child. I always got into fights with other dancers but I was never kicked out of classes because of my ‘exceptional dancing.’ (Which I didn’t really think was exceptional at all) My mother was always disappointed in me in school, in my behavior, in my attitude, everything. She always made that pained face when I had done something wrong and when I knew that I had done something wrong as well. I always hated it when she made that face because it made me feel like a disappointment. I had messed up in so many different areas. The only thing that she never seemed to be disappointed in was my dancing. She loved that part of me and I love it too. She loved all of me actually and she told me that every time that she could._

_It made me feel like I was somebody when I was told how talented I was._

_This night was my night for sure and nothing could ruin it. I just had to remember how proud my mother would be if I kept going and didn’t let the fact that she was unable to come get to me. I knew she’d be proud regardless._

_That’s all I needed to remember to keep my going._

_I approached the climax slowly and that would be when the other dancers joined in so we could continue or dancing together. But just as I prepared, I moved far too close to the edge and took a step right out of my career in dancing._

_Everything seemed to be slowing down. The entire world slowed down as I felt myself coming closer to the ground. I knew that I’d be landing, but I didn’t know that what I would be landing on was going to prevent me from dancing for a while. I hadn’t realized just how far the fall was._

_Once I made contact with the floor, I felt a snap and a jolt of pain. It was the most pain I had ever felt in my life. And I knew for sure that it wasn’t good for me to feel this much pain from a fall. That’s all I felt at this point. Pain. I couldn’t think straight. I hadn’t even realized that I was crying and yelling loudly._

_“Oh my god!”_

_“Is he okay?”_

_“Oh my… Look at his leg!”_

_“Someone call an ambulance!”_

_I heard multiple voices. Most of them were familiar._

_I hadn’t even bothered to look at my leg, and when I did, I swear I saw hell right then and there._

_\--^--^--_

_I woke up in a hospital a while after the accident. My leg was wrapped up in a cast. I was told by the doctor just how bad it had been and that it could have been worse. My bone had been broken and far out place from the fall. He said that they were able to do surgery on it but that it would be a while before I could walk normally. Quite a while before running. And that he wasn’t even sure about dancing._

_That’s all I heard. I stopped listening right after that. I was a mess. A nervous wreck. Crying and all. Armin had been there to comfort me and I was thankful for that in my time of need. It didn’t strike me that neither Mikasa nor my mother was here until my crying calmed down. Mikasa was with me at the performance and I know that someone had to have called my mother. I hope so._

_The doctor had long stopped talking and decided that he’d leave for a few moments but said that he’d be returning soon. I didn’t know what I would do. I may not be able to dance anymore. And I can’t live without that. If I stop dancing, I stop breathing. It was far too important to me. Of course my family was important to me as well, but dancing was just as important to me._

_I was glad that Armin was here. His grandfather most likely was as well. But I did wonder where he was as well. This was all too odd. Mikasa should be here as well. She’s my sister and they’re used to let the family in first. Right? I know I wasn’t wrong. Or I hoped that I wasn’t wrong._

_Once my crying subsided, I looked up at Armin and straight away noticed that there was more going on than I had thought. His face said it all. Usually he’d be comforting me with a gentle smile and telling me that everything was okay. That’s what he always did in these bad situations. He always looked on the bright side of things and would come up with ideas as to why I didn’t have to worry so much. But he looked in just as much pain as I probably did. Right away, I knew that he knew something that I didn’t. Even with bad news, he always tried to make me smile. But right now, he was nothing but a shoulder to cry on._

_Armin caught my skeptical look and knew that he couldn’t stay quiet for too long. The silence had become unbearable once my crying subsided. The rooms vibe was far from comfortable._

_“I’m sorry Eren.” He whispered._

_And of course that didn’t help me to figure out anything. But now I was far too tentative as to whether I wanted to know why he apologized or not. My own thoughts didn’t stop him because he wasn’t in my head so he didn’t exactly stop talking like I wanted him to._

_“It’s your mother. She got into an accident on the way to surprise you at your performance, but…”_

_Suddenly my ears began to ring. Everything had stopped once Armin said what he needed to. My eyes were wide and I had assumed that he was lying to me. He was a damn liar. I knew it for sure. But thinking about it, Armin would never lie to me about anything. He’d tell me the whole truth no matter how painful it was, right? But I couldn’t bring myself to believe it anyways. My first instinct was ‘I have to go see her.’ Armin was a liar. A big liar. It’s not that I couldn’t believe him, it’s that I didn’t want to, I’d have to see it for myself. I don’t care what I have to do. I have to go. I’ll crawl if I need to. I have to see my mother._

_I sat up immediately and prepared to go see my mom. I was trying to pull myself out of bed._

_“Eren! What are you doing?!”_

_“Let me go see her!”_

_“Eren lay back down!”_

_“Let go of me! I have to see my mother! Let me go!” Tears were streaming and I hadn’t even realized that they were. Armin had both hands keeping my down._

_“Eren please!” he pleaded. “You have to calm down. You can’t do anything in the position you’re in.”_

_“No! You’re lying to me! My mother’s not dead. She can’t be! I need to see her! Let me see her!”_

_And after a couple of ours, the truth hit me like the truck that hit my mother and killed her._

_No wait, it wasn’t the car that killed her. It was me. It was all my fault. I-_

\--^--^--

I killed her. It was all because I told her about the performance. I told her that I wanted her to go. I let it show on my face and she probably knew just how important it was for her to be there. She wanted to surprise me. It’s all my fault that she was gone right now. I murdered her just by letting her know how badly I needed her to come to the performance. I shouldn’t have even told her. I should have told her the day of the performance so it would be too late for her to come. But no. I had to tell her earlier and now look where she is. She probably hates me. She’s probably blaming me just as much as I’m blaming myself. Just as much as my father blames me for her death.  I hate that I started dancing. I hate it. And I wish that I could stop forever, but I just can’t. It’s an addiction.

I laid there, waiting for my alarm to go off since I woke up a few minutes before. People tell me not to dwell on the past too much but it’s not so easy to forget the things that you want to forget.

Beep! Beep! Beep!

I reached over and hit my alarm to shut it up. This was such a perfect way to start off my morning—no afternoon. My alarm wakes me up two hours before my next shift at work.

I swung my legs over the edge of my bed and stood to stretch my back a little before heading over to the computer to start some music. Once it was on, I hit play on iTunes and A Sky Full Of Stars by Coldplay began playing. So that’s what I decided to stretch to.

I did a variation of stretches to help loosen my body up and to also perfect my balance.  Of course when I finished, a half an hour had already gone by so I’d have to start getting ready. I left my room and went to go do the usual normal routines such as taking a shower, brushing my teeth, putting lotion on, deodorizing, etc.

I dressed myself in stretchy, loose, grey sweatpants and a tight, plain white t-shirt. Considering the fact that my job was literally to clean, I didn’t have to dress nice or anything. I could basically wear whatever I wanted as long as I got my job done. I left my hair as it was since it usually just styled itself. I put in my left earing and grabbed my house keys. I was just about ready to go. It was I had about a half an hour to get to work so if I walked to work, I’d make it there exactly when my shift starts at two. I won’t be home until about eight tonight because today I was on duty during a performance. Those usually lasted about an hour or two and people tends to make messes because they like to bring little snacks or drinks and drop the empty container or wrapper on the floor like it’s nothing. And it seems that this happened on Saturdays. Mostly because tickets were cheaper on Saturdays so more people came in. It was extremely crowded. On weekdays, people either had work or school or were just too tired to come. So they came on Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays. Those were our most crowded days. I had decided that I’d work every other Sunday. This would be one of those weekends so I’d be going into work tomorrow as well.

No one was home at this particular time. Armin was most likely out tutoring a few kids and Mikasa was probably at the gym. This was one of the typical Saturday mornings. I’d sleep late and usually wake up to no one in the house. But when I get home, everyone’s home. I left my room and headed downstairs to the kitchen to grab a little something to eat on my way out. I decided on an apple since I wasn’t all that hungry. With that, I headed out.

Outside it was warm but there was a slight breeze that actually felt good. In the distance, I could see a few clouds building up. No doubt that it’ll rain later. Hopefully not around the time that I have to leave. That’ll save allot of trouble for me since I’ll most likely be walking home again. Occasionally Mikasa would pick me up from work but that’s only if she just so happened to be heading home around that time which was barely.

I walked at a normal pace since I wasn’t in that much of a rush start to start my usual cleaning routines but I also didn’t have the time to take my time either because I didn’t want to be extremely late.

There are three ways that I could get to work. One takes about 45 minutes because it goes through the park and the park is pretty big. The other way is the way that only takes a half an hour or less. There’s also the easier way. I only take the long way when I have the time to and when I’m not in the best of moods. Usually it’s when I had a bad day or I’m just upset about something. Either that or when I just feel like walking for longer. Mikasa doesn’t like me doing that so often because it’s also around the bad part of town so it’s usually dangerous to go alone. But I do it anyways sometimes. It’s not like anything ever happens but she thinks that I’m going to end up caught in the middle f a fight or that I’m going to get jumped by a couple of thugs. But I highly doubt that. I’ve been walking through here for as long as I remember. I did before I even got a job at Shiganshina theatre—the theatre that I work at. I would usually walk through there on my way to or from school whenever I didn’t feel like walking with Armin and Mikasa. Now I walk with them whenever I don’t work. I’d probably still walk through the park on the way home if Mikasa didn’t make such a big deal about me walking there.

The short way, on the other hand, is through a shopping area. The theatre is right at the end of the long street. I usually get all of the clothes in some of the stores near the theatre. They have a lot of cool stores there with all sorts of styles. That’s also why I have clothes of different styles. The only problem with taking this way is because it’s always so crowded. I don’t mind being around people but I just hate big crowds. Especially on extremely hot days. The worst part is that that this place is never empty. You may get used to it but you can get tired of it as well.

The easier way is behind the large shopping area and through the theatre’s parking lot which has to be my favorite way of getting to work. Aside from the park, this way is quiet and less annoying. Less risk of running into or bumping into people. More risk of getting run over but that hardly ever happens either.

Right now, I’m walking through the parking lot and into the front entrance. It’s quiet except for the little bit of sound coming from backstage where the performers are practicing. I clock into work and head straight towards the supply closet like I always do. I grab the broom and headed into the auditorium and into the house (the place where the audience sits. I just recently figured out what it was called). I started from the back and began to sweep all of the rows. Getting underneath the chairs and sweeping away gum wrappers, empty containers, and dust. Like always, that didn’t take too long. Once I finished, I put it all into the dust pan and straight into the garbage. Then I went into the hallways to sweep the dust off. It gets mopped at night. I moved swiftly through the hallways. Today I always had shower duty. (Yes, there are showers in here. Just in the back where the performers are.) Usually I wouldn’t have to clean them. But since I’m working during a performance and not leaving before one, I have to clean it for the performers. But that’s the last thing I have to do considering the fact they take showers after performances and not before. Right now I’m working on the stage.

I went back to the supply closet to get the mop and the bucket just to save a trip. Then I went backstage and headed up to the stage through there. I began sweeping around there and moving all of the dust and placing the broom on the other side of the stage. I dipped the mop in water, pulled the lever so some of it could drain and mopped the floor in straight lines going back and forth. Dip, drain, mop, and repeat. All the way to the end of the stage where I got off to head towards the bathroom. I left the mop and stuff there while I went to go grab toilet cleaning supplies. Oh joy.

Once I cleaned up the girls bathroom which was surprisingly easy considering the fact that not really anyone used them yet, I moved on to the boys bathroom. There’s always one toilet in here no matter what that’s clogged with either crap or a ton of toilet paper covering a ton of crap. And weird enough, nobody has even been in there yet unless one of the performers ate something and needed to drop a load. Yet, they needed to use a ton of toilet paper for no reason and make my job harder. It’s just horrible. I moved through the stalls after closing off the bathroom and found exactly what I just described. A toilet clogged with shit. I swear I hate this part of my job and always will.

Once I finished with the toilets, I wiped down the sink and the mirror, refilled the toilet paper and paper towels, then swept and mopped. I also put more soap in the soap dispenser. Lastly, I had to clean the showers which weren’t much of challenge since showers don’t get clogged often. It’s every once in a while when the water takes two hundred years to drain and someone has to come in and fix it. Just occasional. As I walked down the halls and towards the shower room, I passed the room where the performers were practicing. The door was open so I was able to look in. I saw about 5 people but only one caught my attention.

He had black hair in an undercut style and was pretty short. He looked annoyed and tired. He looked like he didn’t even want to be there. He leaned against the wall, watching the other dancers as they went through their routine but then raised his hand up and said stop. He walked towards them and then I couldn’t see him anymore unless I looked in the mirror. But I wasn’t trying to seem creepy or anything. I also had a job to do within a small time limit. I moved back to the showers where I began to clean them.

I brought everything back to the supply closet and took a deep breathe. I checked the time and found that it was just about time for me to take a break. The performance would be starting soon and people were going to start lining up outside so it’d be getting really crowded in here soon. And also have to start working again soon as well. I had a little over a half an hour before the next performance so I was able to do as I pleased. I’d probably spend that time watching the performers practice and maybe getting a little snack from the vending machine.

_Party girls don’t get hurt_

_Can’t feel anything,_

_When will I learn?_

_I push it down…_

_Push it down._

Great. More music. I wonder why they choose to test the sound system now before every performance and never did it before. I actually wish they wouldn’t play music at all until the concert or something. They don’t always have to test the sound system like they do. But of course, that’s what I think. And like I always I’m heading towards the bathroom to wash my hands and gets a paper towel to wipe off sweat.

_I’m the one_

_“For a good time call”_

_Phones blowing up_

_Ringin’ my doorbell_

_I feel the love_

_Feel the love_

I dried off my hands and wiped the sweat off of my forehead. Trying my best to ignore the music so I don’t end up doing the same thing again. This happened yesterday and I was about ready to throw up by the time I realize what I was doing. So I shouldn’t do it again. I’d be dancing for joy and then feeling the regret later. Of course with temptation comes the need to do what you really want to do. That’s what sucks about being tempted to do something.

_One, two, three_

_One, two, three drink_

_One, two, three_

_One, two, three drink_

_One, two, three_

_One, two, three drink_

_Throwing down, till I lose count_

Of course telling myself not to do something means that I’m just going to end up doing it anyways.

_I’m gonna swing from the chandelier_

_From the chandelier._

So once she hit the chorus, I basically started doing the similar choreography as in Maddie did in the video. I spun exactly four times, placing my hand on the wall to kick my feet and up than spun my way to the middle of the floor. I through my hands and arms back and then stretched my arms back to a quick around the world movement. Then I threw my arms up once more.

_I’m gonna live like tomorrow doesn’t exist_

_Like it doesn’t exist_

I moved to the corner of the room and then stretched backwards and walked back a little and eyed myself in the mirror before deciding to continue.

But…

I paused, suddenly feeling sick to my stomach. I stopped all together, even though the music was still playing, and stared directly into the mirror. I was going to vomit. I swear I was going to vomit all over the floor that I just cleaned. Whatever I ate that day was about to come right out of me. Or at least that’s what it felt like. I brought arms down to my sides. Stunned.

No one was supposed to know. _No one_. I couldn’t breathe suddenly. I couldn’t breathe at all. The world stopped and I was frozen. It was taking me far too long to process everything.  I couldn’t process it. I had to be dreaming. I had to be. If I pinched myself I’d wake up right? Or if I held my breath long enough. But then again, I wasn’t breathing. I couldn’t. It was too hard. I slowly turned around with slightly wide eyes. My face was heated with both embarrassment and anger towards myself. My life was ruined.

Why? Well that’s easy. Why not just ask the man who was looking at me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank's for reading to the end. Let me know what you think ^^ Also, The dance that Eren was doing was actually similar to the one in the video for Chandelier which, by the way, I do not own. Sia does. I'm going to try to have a new chapter each week but if they're late, then I'm sorry because of school.
> 
> Song: Chandelier by Sia


	3. If No Actually Means Yes, Then It's Opposite Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter isn't anything you guys expected it to be ;-; it's more thought than it is dialogue. So this fic is a bit boring right now ._. Sorryyyy againnn

Words couldn’t describe how quickly I grabbed my bag and walked out of there. I didn’t even bother saying a word to the guy. I don’t know what he thinks and I don’t think I want to. I just want to go home. I walked quickly through the halls, expecting not to be followed. But the second I felt a hand touch my shoulder, I panicked and yelped. I was pulled back against a wall. My eyes closed tight for a second and then opened. I was expecting to have to look up.

I was looking down.

This guy was shorter than me.

When I looked at him through the mirror, I noticed he was shorter than me but not that he was _this_ short. It had to be at least a five inch difference.

But he did look a little scary. Mostly because his outfit consisted of allot of black. That just made him a little more intimidating. It’s just that his height made him harder to take seriously.

And then I forgot about his height and realized why I was in this position. What I hadn’t realized, was that he was talking to me.

“-o be embarrassed. Now relax. And let me-” I only managed to catch the end of what he was saying. And how could he expect me to relax? He saw me. No one was supposed to know. I quickly returned to my panicked state and tried to push him off of me. He was too strong and that was surprising despite his height. I had already cut him off by panicking again. That’s when his grip on my shoulder tightened and I winced.

“Stooop! It hurts!” Who did he think he was to even bother touching me? This was assault. I could report him. I should scream. Something. He’d get caught and arrested.

But… something was telling me not to open my mouth. That it would be best to keep it closed and to just try to at least listen to what he was going to say.

 “Then shut up and listen to me for a damned second.” His voice wasn’t very comforting. As a matter of fact, it just made me extremely uncomfortable. (Like I wasn’t uncomfortable before that) I decided that I should just at least listen to a bit of what he had to say. It must be something good since he has me against a wall. But really. Out of all the ways that he could have talked to me, he decided to push me against the wall in the middle of the hallway.

“Alright you little shit,” He began and I glared at him. He didn’t even seem bothered by that in the slightest.  “First question, what are you doing dancing like _that_ in a bathroom and not on stage?”

I remained quiet. He said I had to listen but not that I had to talk. Plus, he doesn’t know a thing about me and he has no reason to. I shouldn’t tell him anything about the reason why I dance and the fact that no matter how badly I want to stop, I can’t seem to. I shouldn’t tell him about the accident and how much I blame myself for my mother’s accident. I shouldn’t tell him a damn thing. I should just stay quiet.

“Fine, brat, don’t answer that question then. Second, I know this sudden but we need someone like you dancing with us.” He said simply. My eyes widened slightly. What did he mean by _us_? There were more of him obviously but I meant specifically. Wait. I remember him from somewhere. I searched through my thoughts and memories trying to see where I saw his face. ‘Oh yeah…” I remember now. I saw him not too long before I went to go clean the showers. He was watching someone else dance and I remember him stopping them and I guess he was going to demonstrate something. He looked a little less scary from afar than he looked up close. 

I wondered why he needed _me_ exactly.

He must have read the confusion on my face because he began to explain what he meant. “There are usually three of us but one of our members is moving away soon because a relative of theirs decided at the wrong time to get severely sick.” Oh well, they could live with just three. Whatever. “After tomorrow’s performance there will only be three of us. Allot of our dances for future performances include a fourth person and we don’t have the time,” I doubt he even has the patience. “To hold stupid auditions in search of talent that can live up to our expectations. And we have high expectations. Or at least I do. You just so happen to live up to my expectations and most likely everyone else’s.” He finished.

“No.” I said and I was serious. Why did I even bother listening? What was I expecting anyways? I wasn’t special, I was just your typical dancer with a screwed up head. My reason for not wanting to dance was probably stupid and so was the grudge that I was holding towards myself. The reason my mom was dead? Yeah that’s probably stupid to other people. But I’m serious about it.

The thing is that had I not agreed to go to dance classes after my mom discovered that I enjoyed dancing, I wouldn’t have had so many performances. I wouldn’t have to rely on my mother’s smile and encouragement to get me through a show. If I was a good child who did everything right, then I probably wouldn’t even be relying on her for this one thing at all. I’d probably just be fine with Armin or Mikasa coming to my performances. Maybe even no one. I could go all by myself and be just fine. But no. I had to go around, screwing everything up with my life and then finally finding something that I’m god at and that my mother actually appreciates and eventually screwing that up too.

I had to beg my mother to come to that specific performance. I had to let it show in my face that I really wanted her to come to this performance. Even telling myself that I’d be fine without her there wasn’t enough. I wanted her to come. And she wanted to surprise me. And she died trying to get to me. She wanted to surprise _me_. But now she’s not here because of me. That’s why I hold such a grudge against myself.

Every time I dance, I remember her smiling at me and it makes me feel sick to my stomach that because of what I was doing right then and there, _she is no longer here._ That’s why I can’t dance without this sick feeling that’s so hard to ignore. I just want to breakdown and cry sometimes. But the other thing is that sometimes dancing is hard not to do. And when I sit there all alone in my room, blasting music and dancing, I’m only hurting myself and it’s not something that’s easy to stop. When you hear music, you want to dance right? Or even move a little. That’s what it’s like. And it’s hard to even stop listening to music because music is everywhere. It’s not something that’s easy to avoid.

“Just-“He started but I immediately cut him off, causing a frustrated sigh to come from him as I spoke.

“No. I don’t want to and I won’t.” I really just want to go to back to what was supposed to be my break and eventually my job as a janitor.

“Suit yourself. But this is a once and a lifetime opportunity.” Yeah I totally know what it’s like to lose such an  amazing opportunity so that won’t even work. “But if you do consider it, after the performance just come to the practice room. I’m sure you know where that is.” I wasn’t going to show up no matter what. So I just stayed quiet. He’ll see just how serious I was.

“Levi!” An unknown voice from down the hall.

“Shit…” He muttered and then sighed. “Name.” He said and I tilted my head, slightly confused.

“What?” I asked.

“What’s your damn name?” He asked with an annoyed tone. Now I felt kind of stupid. He probably thought I was stupid. Good. That’s one more reason to not want me dancing with him. Who would want to dance with stupid people?

“Eren.” I mumbled and sighed while he stepped back. I hadn’t even realized he let go of me. The man nodded at me and started walking down the hall.

A woman turned the corner. She had her brown hair up in a ponytail and wore glasses. She had on sweatpants and a green t-shirt. “Oh, there you are Levi.” She said staring at the man identified as Levi.

“What do you want, shitty glasses?” Levi asked, not even looking at her but walking in the other direction.

“Everyone was wondering what was taking you so long. That was a long bathroom break. Why were you in there for so long?” She asked curiously, turning to walk behind him.

“My business is my business. Don’t worry about it.”

Their voices faded out as they continued farther down the hallway. I took a deep breath and then sighed heavily. I was relieved that that was finally over and I could get back to my break even though half of it was wasted with some guy trying to get me to join his dance group.

But really though, what made Levi think that I was actually going to meet him after the performance? I already told him no.

And no means no.

\--^--^--

I didn’t do much for my drink besides get a snack from the vending machine. IT’s not like I had much of break left after the small encounter I had with that man—er Levi. Which was definitely a talk that I couldn’t seem to shrug off no matter what.

I stood in the hallway while people slowly filed in and took their seats. There were some people walking through the hallways and others just standing around in the theatre as if they didn’t know where their seat was. It looked like a bunch of people jumbled up and confused yet extremely talkative.

I managed to get the program. On Saturday’s, it wasn’t just a one to two our performance of one band or group or whatever. It was usually multiple performances such as singing, orchestra’s, bands, dancing, etc. And the discounted tickets also helped making it much more crowded. Looking over the performances, the order went in solo performances, duets, bands, large orchestras, and dancers last. They put the name of all the people participating in the program. My first instinct was to look for Levi’s name under the dance category. Had I known what his dance group’s name was then looking would be easier.

Hmm… No. No. No…

There. Levi Ackerman. Group Name, Titan Slayers. I think I’ve heard of them before but I just don’t remember where. Probably on YouTube. Maybe I’ll look them up later or something.

Wait. No I won’t. I’m not going to look them up. I don’t even care when they perform because I’m not even going to consider joining them.

Not at all…

 

Five minutes later I found myself watching videos on YouTube of some of their dances. And they actually look pretty cool and fun as well. They’re simple dances but on Wikipedia it says that sometimes when they perform, they do little skits and stuff while dancing. That’s cool I guess.

I read up on a few of their members. Levi is the choreographer and lead. The girl that I saw earlier talking to Levi would be Hange Zoe who designs their outfits and also sometimes works the lights during their performances. The other members are Petra Ral and Oluo Bozado. There were originally five members in all but two died in an accident on the way to one of the practices: Eld Jinn and Gunther Schultz. Apparently, Petra is the member that’s going to be quitting the group because she’ll be moving to help her relative. The only people left after her would be Levi and Oluo. So I can see why they’d need someone else.

But that’s not going to change a thing. I’m still not going to join them.

I put my phone away and took a deep breath. I had to wait until everyone took their seats and the show started before I could begin sweeping around and cleaning up messes. Than I could take another break until halfway through the show, clean around again, and then take another break. Same thing with the end of the show. Only difference is that I have to wait until mostly everyone is gone.

No one, from what I could see, was wearing any formal clothes. And I was sure that no one would be performing anything extremely formal besides the orchestra. Most people were dressed in jeans and a nice shirt or dresses or something like that. Basically formal casual clothes. This is kind of like one of those live concerts that people get into for free wearing anything they want and nit even bothering to dress nicely. This is basically a day wear critics search for talent and people just perform for fun. Unless you’re like Levi’s group, the titan slayers, who are already semi famous and are performing for a three day period. There last show here is apparently tomorrow.

But thinking about it, What if they can’t perform because their group is slowly falling apart? What if they really do need me? No. They can find someone else. They don’t need me at all. And I don’t need to join them. I can’t join them. I won’t perform. I can’t perform. If I perform I’ll fall again and then everything will get worse.

At least I’ll be able to stop dancing.

I watched as people began taking their seats and the lights dimmed like a movie theatre. It went quiet and someone stepped out on stage. I didn’t feel like staying and hearing the same like 10-20 minute long introduction and hear the same guy get the crowd riled up, I hear that just about every Saturday to know exactly what he says and what he does. Sometimes he changes it up. Otherwise it’s always the same. I walked out into the hallway, looking for ways to past time before I’d have to go grab the broom from the supply closet and sweep up dust, dirt, and wrappers. It’s amazing how messy things could get in less than a half hour. Not that I was OCD enough to notice it, but when you’ve been working in the same place and doing the same thing for months, than you can tell. Not that I was going to be one to complain about something being extremely disgusting even if there is a little speck of dust on the floor, but I just know how to keep things clean.

And that’s surprising for me especially.

The only thing I have to say is extremely disgusting is the bathrooms after each concert. I swear, what are people eating before they come? It’s just horrible. And I hate having to clean it up so much. I just have to keep the bathroom’s fresh smelling and clean all of the time. Especially the bathroom. That’s a challenge. I went on my phone and started playing a few games. I was technically still on my break because once I hear someone performing, I have to start cleaning because then mostly everyone is distracted by the performance and I can get around a bit easier.

I began playing this game called Piano Tiles. It’s a slightly old game but I play it whenever I’m bored and need to waste time. I leaned against the wall, tapping at the tiles slowly and waiting for it to speed up slowly. My high score was over 700 and I wanted to beat it. The key is to focus but be distracted. Like put your mind on something else while playing and don’t focus on your score. It’ll come naturally and you wouldn’t even notice it when you do beat your highs score until you start to focus again.

I jumped at the sudden roaring laughter coming from the crown and then the screams and applause following. That meant that next performer would be performing in the next 2-3 minutes if I timed it correctly. I put my phone away and headed towards the supply closet to get the broom. From there, I headed back into the auditorium and waited for the music to signify the opening performance.

Eventually gentle piano music began and I started sweeping as well. I didn’t even look at the stage as much because I didn’t feel like getting more distracted than I was going to be when the real performance started. If I know one thing, with a crowd this big and this excited, there is no way you can just start things off so slowly. You’re supposed to start things off with a bang and get them screaming again.

I swept quickly and quietly through the outer house of the auditorium. Since I wasn’t being extremely precise or anything, it took me at least 10 minutes. I put everything into the dustpan and then straight into the garbage. Then I started sweeping the halls slowly. I didn’t have to rush or anything cause I had enough time to lose. I could spend time watching the performance but for once I wasn’t interested at all in the performances. It was almost as if I was waiting for something or maybe someone to get on stage and do whatever.

I took my time going from one hall to the next, catching dust and dirt lead in by people who don’t know how to rub their feet on the carpet before entering a clean area. I turned the corner that had the bathrooms and the supply closets, sweeping and sighing boredly. It was quiet besides the feint sound of the crowd clapping along to the girl standing on stage singing her heart out and interacting with the crowd.

As I approached the end of the hallway, I made another turn that led to the separate room for performers. There was the room for singers, room for dancers, the big room for orchestra and bands, etc. Those rooms lead to smaller dressing rooms for whoever booked a gig here. But the larger rooms led farther backstage and then on stage. Going down the line of rooms, the order went Singers and Soloist, Orchestra, Dancers, and Bands. The dance room and the orchestra were the only two sections that weren’t divided. But I hear that they’ll be renovating here soon and that they’re going to split the dance studio into two different rooms and the orchestra into two different rooms as well. They’re both very spacious.  Well the dance room is at least.

I put everything into the dustpan and into the nearest garbage can. That was that. I didn’t find it necessary to clean the bathroom’s just yet. That was only because I’d rather wait until people were done making messes of the toilet paper and their piss so I can just clean it all at once.

I decided to take a peek into the dance room just because. It’s not like I was looking for anyone in particular. I just wanted to see. Peeking in there, I saw a few of the solo dancers stretching and practicing and talking. Looking more around the room, I saw just who I was looking for. I mean, well, I wasn’t looking for him... I just so happened to have seen him.

I saw Levi leaning against the wall. He was in the same positon as before. I’m surprised he wasn’t stretching or anything. But then again, he has been practicing since I first came here. That was a few hours ago so I’m not surprised to see him taking a break. Not to mention his group was the last act of the night. Oh yeah… speaking of his group. I looked where he was looking and saw a tall man who looked just a bit older than Levi was, I guessed he was Oluo. I saw another girl with orange-ish hair who I guess was Petra. And I also saw the woman with glasses and her brown hair in a ponytail. I guess that was Hange? I also saw another man. He was tall and pretty large. He had one of those Mr. clean faces. Or maybe a model face? I don’t know. But whoever he was, I didn’t read about him at all. Maybe he was a friend or something.

They were a pretty odd pair to all be dancers. But then again, it was just the three of them. Oluo, Petra, and Levi. But still, they were a pretty odd group. I brought my eyes back to where Levi was and he was… gone? As I stood up straight to look around more, something stopped me.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” I jumped and looked down to see Levi staring at me with crossed arms and a straight face.

“U-uh... I was… Um... I was looking for something! Yeah! I dropped something and I can’t seem to find it!” I stalled and tried to but it was clear to see that he was not buying it all.

“You’re actually going to consider joining us aren’t you?” He assumed and I rolled my eyes.

“No. I’m not.” I didn’t look at him at all.

“Whatever you say, brat.” He turned to walk back into the studio and I stepped into the hallway completely.

I’m not going to join. I’m not going to join. I’m not going to join. I’m not going to join.

\--^--^--

The crowd was going wild as they danced through the stage. My eyes were glued to the stage and my jaw was slightly dropped as they danced. I didn’t think it was actually as good as the videos were. Usually effects are what help make the video’s look so much cooler but this was amazing. They did all of these cool things that were like. Wow. And they looked like they were having fun with it to. Even Levi.

_Turn up the music_

_Turn it up louder_

_Turn up the music_

_I need it in my life yeah..._

Then they hit the climax with a simple dance together. Pops, locks, flips, spins, etc. It was amazing. The lights flashed with the beat and it just looked amazing. It _was_ amazing. And it was only three of them. They all did freestyle moves at the end of the dance. Petra did some type of ballet stuff that went with the heavy base. Oluo did some cool robot moves and Levi did a few flips than they came together to end it with a simple pose while the crowd screamed and applauded. I was among them screaming as well.

“That was the Titan Slayers! Give them another round applause!” The crowd applauded once more with a few whistles and more screaming.

“And there you have it! I hope you enjoyed the show!” The lights came back on and people were standing and slowly filing out of the doors that I was standing by. I leaned against the wall with the broom, waiting so I can sweep again. It usually got annoying sweeping constantly but whatever. It’s because we have this hard floor that seems to get really dirty really fast with all of the people that come here. It’s like a new sheet of dust and dirt every few hours so it has to be kept clean and dust free. The guy who works Sunday nights would mop everything.

Although after renovations, instead of sweeping I’ll have to vacuum because apparently we’re putting down a carpet. That doesn’t make it any easier but I’ll have to sweep last at least. Mostly because you can’t vacuum during shows so I’ll only vacuum before and after shows. There’s also going to be carpet in the solo, band, and orchestra room. But I won’t be going in there much because the Sunday night guy cleans those rooms. The stage isn’t going to change much and neither is backstage. The bathrooms aren’t going to change much either.

I moved to the supply closet to put the broom away. The halls were still crowded with people waiting to use the bathroom and what not so I had to wait until it was mostly cleared to start cleaning up more. I decided I’d go to the snack room with the vending machine in it, and get some water. I walked down to the end of the hall, squeezing through people talking in the middle of the hall about all of the performances that I didn’t really pay much attention to. I opened the door to the room and went straight to the fridge to grab a bottle of water. This room was only for performers and employees. There was a separate vending machine near the storage room at the other end of the hallway. I stepped out of the room and looked down the hall with all of the rooms for performers and immediately remembered what Levi said. Then I shook my head. I wasn’t going to go.

Remember Eren. Don’t consider it. Don’t do it. Don’t even go near that room until you have to. Until all of the performers are gone and until you are sure that you won’t run into any of the Titan Slayers. I looked towards the dance room. It was tempting to just walk in there but I knew that I shouldn’t. Before I could even begin to walk there, I took a swift turn to start heading in the other direction. I stopped when somebody’s body hit mine and caused me to stumble.

“Sorry!” I said immediately. When I looked up, I saw the woman with the glasses. Hange.

“Oh hey! You’re that guy the Levi was talking to earlier!” She said somewhat excitedly. Why was she so hyper?

“Uh… yeah.” I replied awkwardly.

“What did he say your name was…? Oh yeah! Eren right?”

I nodded.

“Nice to meet you! My names Hange Zoe. Please to meet you.” She grabbed my hand and shook it quickly.

“Yeah…” She let go of my hand and I let it hang down to my side.

“You know, Levi told me he saw you. He also told me that you’re really good.” She said excitedly while I blushed in embarrassment. I didn’t say anything but she kept talking.

“He thinks that you should join us. And if you match to Levi’s expectations, then you must be really good! I’d love to see you dance!” She said with a large smile.

I shook my head. “N-no.. I’d rather not…” I said shyly and quietly.

“Come on! Please Eren!”

I sighed.

“Excuse me.” Someone said. We were standing right in front of the door to the snack room and blocking other people from going in.

“Let’s go into the Dance room and finish talking.” Hange grabbed my wrist and dragged me to the dance room against my will. So I just let her.

The dance room was mostly empty except for a few people who were packing up or talking to their family or friends or whatever. She dragged me to where the rest of the Titan Slayers were.

“Hey guys!” Hange waved. “This is Eren; he’s the guy Levi was talking about when he said he might have found someone to join.” She said simply while Petra and Oluo greeted me and introduced themselves even though I already knew their names. But of course they didn’t know that.

“Hah. I knew you’d consider it.” Levi said with a smirk.

“I never said I was going to…” I mumbled and everyone gave me sad looks.

“Come on Eren. Why not? It’ll be a ton of fun. I promise!” Hange said. I didn’t even know these people. I only know what I read and saw on YouTube. That’s not really how you get to know a person much either. But Then again, they looked like they had fun while dancing on stage. Even in their videos they seem to have a great time. But still…

“You guys haven’t even seen me dance. How do you know that I’ll be good?” I don’t even want to show them. I don’t want to dance in front of people. I like dancing in front of my room. Plus, I’d rather not throw up or something in front of people. I don’t want to repeat the same incident and I don’t want anyone to get hurt or whatever because of me and my needs. Which is why I’m just going to dance in my room, all alone for the rest of my life or until I’m too old to dance.

Or not.

“If Levi says you’re good. Then you’re good.” Petra stated.

That didn’t convince me.

I heard Levi sigh in the corner. “Alright brat, let’s make a deal. You can stay with us for about two months. If you don’t like it, we’ll kick you off and just hold auditions or something. If you do, then we’ll keep you. After the first month, I’ll ask if you like us. If you don’t we have another month to get you to enjoy the group. But if we fail, goodbye Eren.”

I stayed quiet.

“So are you going to do it Eren?” Petra asked and I didn’t know what to say.

Although, something was telling me that I should just shut up and do it. Not to mention, I was mentally being slapped but that little person in my head that’s been telling me that I should just consider it. I could hear it telling me ‘I told you so Eren. You’re going to give in.’ and I can’t deny it either.

 “Alright. Yes, I’ll do it.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank's for reading to the end! I appreciate it. Anyways, sorry I didn't go into much detail with the dance scenes. It was kind of rushed. Also, sorry that I didn't post earlier. I'm trying to do this whole once a week thing but it's not working out because school and then tests and other stupid stuff. Also, thanks for the kudos, hits, and comments ^^ Let me know what you think of this chapter. Ask me any questions and I'll try my best to respond. Thanks!
> 
> Song: Turn Up The Music by Chris Brown


	4. Try

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning for Panic Attacks.  
> Proceed with Caution

It's been exactly 15 hours, 24 minutes, and about 32 seconds since I told Levi I would join and I still have no idea what to do. I haven't danced in front of a soul for years and Levi just so happened to have seen me dancing. That doesn't mean that I want to dance in front of him again. It just means that I have to figure out what I'm going to do because I have to meet up with him and everyone else after their performance at 3:30 it’s about 2:30. It’s a coincidence that their performance should end at around 4:30 which is also the time I have to take my break. Then after my little half an hour for a break, I clean the stage and then I'm done with my shift. Especially since I've been here since about 11 this morning.

I have two hours to figure out what I'm going to do. I know I'm going to have some kind of episode where I try to dance, I think about the wrong, I panic and I fall or something like that. I just know it. I'll think about the thing with my mom. I'll think about me falling off the stage. I'll think about all of that and I'll fuck everything up. Before I know it, I'll be kicked out of their group and they'll be forced to set up auditions to find someone and if they don't they'll just break up and I'll have let Petra down.

I was dumb enough to tell her that I won't let her down and that I'll do my best. And I pinky promised because she asked me to and she was pretty damn adorable about it so I can't let her down. Way to go Eren, now you actually have to try not to fuck everything up. This is the real deal.

I'm in some deep shit, and not because I'm in the middle of cleaning the boys bathroom.

Now I can't even think of ways to get out of the group. I'm just surprised at how quickly they accepted me without even being able to see me dance. They said that it’s because Levi said I was good that they let me in.  So that means that one, Levi is the leader and is strict with high expectations. And two, they only let the best of the best in the group. So I must be the best of the best.

Hah. Like hell I am. I know I'm decent but I'm not good.  I'm not the best of the best. I'm probably just thinking the stupid.

"Oi, brat." there was banging on a door and the sound of Levi's voice. "Are you done yet? I got have to take a piss."

I was in fact done with the toilets but not with the sinks or the floor.  He could still use the bathroom if he wanted to. But then again, I could always make him use the girls’ bathroom and say that the boys bathroom was off limits. That would be a fun joke.

I opened the door and stood in the doorway. "You can use the girls bathroom. This one's still off limits." I said smirking a bit.

"Don't lie to me brat. You're insane if you think I'm going in there." he grimaced. Probably thinking about what it would be like to use the girls’ bathroom.

"I mean there's nobody else in here except for you guys. Unless Petra or Hanji went in there you could go and nobody would know."  

He was quiet for a second. Probably considering it.  "If you have to pee that bad then I suggest you go." I was trying to see if he'd really do it.

"Fine. Whatever."  He left and went straight for the girls' room while I chuckled. Seeing a man go into the girls' room is the best thing ever.

Not too long after I began cleaning the sinks, silently chuckling to myself, I heard a squeal and I immediately ran out of the bathroom and into the hallway. My eyes landed on a wide eyed Petra and a pissed off Levi. I bet Petra walked in while Levi was taking his piss.

“What is wrong with you Levi?! Why were you in the bathroom?!”

“Look Pet-”

“Is there something you’re not telling me?” Her voice went to a low whisper as she spoke. “You know you can tell me anything and I won’t judge you. You don’t even have to say it out loud. Just let me know.”

I was holding back my own laughter as I watched Levi’s face scrunch up in disgust. He looked like he was either constipated or he just smelled the worst shit ever. I swear, containing my laughter after seeing that face is the hardest thing ever. “Look. It’s not what you think. The brat was still cleaning the men’s bathroom and I really had to piss so I-”

I decided it was time for me to intervene. “I didn’t say that. The boy’s bathroom isn’t even off limits. I’m just cleaning the sinks.” I shrugged and he turned to me, no doubt that he was mentally stabbing me. But the only thing that hurt was my sides. From laughing so hard at the changed look on his face. He looked somewhat scary but really funny at the same time. He probably had plans of murdering me over this.

“You little shit!”

I was definitely right.

And that’s when I decided I’d be taking a nice run. I darted past Levi and Petra. I already heard the sound of fast footsteps catching up to me. I turned my head just enough to see that Levi was getting close and reaching out so I decided to speed up a little. When I looked back in front of me, I saw Hanji who looked up at me with wide eyes. I immediately ran behind her to use her as a shield. I was panting but laughing still

“Fucking brat! You’re going to get it!”

I placed my shoulders on Hanji’s shoulders and continuously turned her as Levi tried to grab me.

“Whoa there Tom and Jerry! What’s going on here?”  
“That little shit is a liar!”

“Levi’s keeping secrets about his gender.” I said, laughing. And Hanji stopped in her tracks. I took a few tentative steps back and Levi looked like he was about to chase me but Hanji grabbed his hand before he could do anything. Thank god. he was going to kill me.

“Looks like me and you need to have a little talk.” She said and I started laughing even harder.

“I am not transgender. I’m a man ,shitty glasses.”

“Then why were you in the girls’ bathroom?” I stuck my tongue out at him and he lunged towards me but Hanji kept him back.

“Because you lied about the boys’ bathroom being off limits.”

Hanji by now was laughing as well. I was gasping for air and Levi was practically red with anger. Then came Petra who was giggling a bit herself. I hadn’t even known she was there.

“Alright Levi, let’s go. We have to go back to practicing.” She said while walking into the dance room. Hanji dragged Levi in the room while he was glaring at me again. I think he was doing worse than stabbing me. But I have to admit, that was kind of fun. And really funny too.

“This is definitely not over yet, Brat. I’ll get back at you.”

I just stuck my tongue out once more and chuckled, walking back to the bathrooms. That was too much fun. At least that was enough to keep my distracted from the thoughts. Maybe being around them wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe dancing around them wouldn’t be so hard if I could get over my little trauma.

Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.

\--^--^--

Followed by their performance, was my break. I hadn’t been able to see their performances as much because someone decided that it was a nice idea to clog the toilet and flood the entire bathroom. I wish people would be more conscious of what they mess up and who’ll be fixing it as well as how long it’ll take to fix it. First, I had to unclog the toilet. It was clogged with piss, shit, and a bitch load of toilet paper. Second, I had to pick up the stray wet pieces of toilet paper. In which I am so thankful that I have gloves on. Third, I had to mop up the entire bathroom and clean up the toilet.

I also had to find a way to get rid of the smell of shit but I’ll just deal with it later.

That took about half an hour. By the time I got back to the auditorium, they were taking an intermission and everyone was walking around, talking, getting snacks, or taking piss breaks.

Then someone decided to spill something in the hall way. As soon as they were about to start performing again too. I ended up mocking up the hall instead. I made sure to put the “Caution. Wet Floor” sign by the area that I mopped so no one would slip and bust their ass. That took a long time because whatever they spilled was starting to stick to the floor since I hadn’t seen it right away through the crowd of people mobbing through the halls and most likely walking over it without even saying a word about it.

By the time I actually got to watch the performance, there was about 5 or 10 minutes left. That’s when I cursed the parent that brought a child and let them throw up right in front of the bathroom. I missed the last few minutes of the performance from cleaning that up. That must have been the best part because the crowd was screaming their asses off and clapping excitedly while I was left to clean up what looked like pizza, juices, and maybe chips? What the actual fuck. I was just thankful that as soon as I finished, I was on break.

I immediately rushed to the back rooms and straight to the dance room. I entered and only saw Aurou, Petra, and Hanji. Levi was nowhere to be found.

Aurou must have noticed me looking around because he answer my unasked question immediately. “Levi’s in the shower.”

I just nodded. “Oh. Alright. Well he told me to meet you guys here after the performance.”

“Well speaking of the performance, how did you like my dancing? Was it good? It was the best right? I’m much better than Levi at dancing especially because when I was younger my parents signed me up for classes with the best. I-“

“I missed a majority of the performance.” I said just to cut him off immediately. I didn’t even expect him to have _that_ kind of personality. He and Jean would be best friends. No doubt.

Aurou looked like he was going to open his mouth and talk again but thankfully Levi walked in. He wore a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. His hair was sticking to his forehead and he had a towel wrapped around his neck. As soon as his eyes landed on me, he was glaring. Probably from earlier.

“Come on Levi. Don’t kill him before we even get to see him dance. It was just a joke.” Petra I am so thankful for your existence. If you weren’t here, he probably would’ve choked me or stabbed me or something. Aurou probably wouldn’t even do anything. I don’t know about Hanji.

“Whatever. Anyways, brat, you can dance. And these two have yet to have seen you.”

Wait. What does that mean?                                                    

“They’ve been being all annoying and shit about how they wanted to see you dance. So you don’t mind showing them a little right? Hopefully they’ll actually shut up afterwards.”

“Um… Okay.” I didn’t expect that. I thought we would just be- _What did I think this would be like?_ I know for a fact that I couldn’t have expected things not to go. I knew I’d have to dance. So why am I so surprised to hear that? Why do my feet feel so heavy? Why does my stomach hurt? My hands are sweaty too? Why is it suddenly harder to breathe?

Calm down Eren. Just dance like you’re dancing in your room. There’s nothing to be worried about. Dance like you were in the bathroom that day. Before you were caught. Just dance like nobody’s watching.

Levi walked over to a speaker and plugged his phone into it. He squatted, not sitting but pretty damn close, and started swiping. Probably searching for something for me to dance to. Meanwhile, I stood there and waited for something to start playing. Hopefully it would be a song that I know and listened to enough times so this would be easier.

I took another deep breath and looked down at my hands. I was shaking and sweating and I hadn’t even started dancing yet.

_Say it ain’t what you do ‘cause…_

I looked at him and he gave me a look, asking if this one is good. I nodded. And sighed a bit In relief. I made a dance to this song not too long after I heard it. All I have to do is that dance.

_So if you knew what I knew_

_She’d be yours tonight_

Don’t fuck it up Eren.

I was swaying a little to the good beat to try and calm me down and get me in the mood to it. There was a little bit more time before the actual verse started. And when the verse started, I didn’t.

I forgot the choreography. I forgot what I was supposed to do. How was I supposed to move my body? Was I supposed to do something what my hands? Why is it suddenly so hot when I barely even moved yet?

I looked towards Petra who held a look of confusion, towards Aurou who wasn’t even paying attention, towards Hanji who had her head tilted like a dog, and to Levi who’s facial expression mirrored Petra’s.

I was standing still. I was sure I thought I remembered the choreography. I remember practicing it while I was listening to Pandora and the song came on one time. That wasn’t even that long ago.

I usually remember all of the dances that I learn or make up. If I could still remember the ones from years ago, then why couldn’t I remember this one? Come to think of it, how did I dance years ago? Back when my mother was there to help me and guide me through things? When my mother would watch me practice and praise me? Back when I didn’t always pressure her into coming to performances and have her get killed? Back when I used to stay on stage rather than falling off and breaking a leg?

I saw Petra and Aurou’s mouths moving but I couldn’t seem to hear them? Was the music too loud? Oh but the music stopped. It was silent. The only thing preventing me from hearing was the loud ringing. My glanced shifted between the four other people in this room aside from me. Next thing I knew, I was running out of the room and towards the only place I could even think of.

The bathroom.

I leaned against a wall, going into fatal position with my legs pulled close to my chest and my arms wrapping around my knees. I hadn’t even realized that I was starting to cry until I felt the warmth of tears falling down my face.

A wimp. I’m such a wimp. I knew I couldn’t do it. I should’ve just said no. Fuck the promise I made with Petra. Fuck everything. I can’t do it. I can’t do this. I can’t…

_I can’t breathe._

I was gasping. Gasping for air. Shaking. Looking up, everything was a blur. I was reaching, clawing at the ground. Trying to get a good grip on it like the flat surface would actually become something that can be grabbed on to.

Suddenly my hand was holding something and I felt another hand rubbing circles into my back and someone whispering. I could hardly make out what they were saying. My shaky breathing and whimpering was preventing me from hearing anything else.

Whatever my hand was holding, it was holding tight. Whoever was holding me and rubbing my back, was doing a good job. I was finally able to make out what they were saying.

_It’s okay._

_It’s okay._

But is it really?

Is everything really okay? I broke the promise in trying my best right in front of Petra. I probably just lost another shot at getting off of my feet. And I don’t even think I want to dance again.

I’m surprised that even through my episode every single thing that I fucked up is still so clear. it’s just there to mock me. It’s watching me be pathetic in front of… In front of…

I brought my head up and saw a man with pale skin and an undercut. Levi. HE was the one calming me down. And it worked aside from the stupid things that keep going on in my head. It’s the one thing that he probably can’t calm. My thoughts. Dancing used to.

But I guess we all know what that does to me now.

My breathing was normal by now, but I was still shaking. Not from the little thing I just experienced, but from fear. I was scared.

I’m always scared when I have to dance. Always scared when I’m dancing alone. I’d fuck something up somehow. I know it. I could tell. I just know. Then the stupid thoughts about my mother and thoughts about my downfall come in and scare me even more.

For someone to die because of me? I definitely have a reason to be filled with regret. Regret that I let her die. Regret that I hadn’t just said ‘It’s okay’ and went. Regret that I let such a thing ruin my chance at making it big and then letting that something ruin my second attempt.

Maybe it’s not meant to be. Maybe I’m just not cut out for dancing. I should just stop all together. That was the plan anyways. I shouldn’t even be dancing right now. I should just be drinking some water and getting ready to clean the stage then head home to Mikasa and Armin. I should be focusing on school and getting good grades.

I should just shut up and stop thinking the way I’m thinking.

“You alright now?” Levi’s somewhat deep voice asked me and I nodded slowly. He pulled his arm away from my back and was just sitting next to me and leaning against the wall.

“Wanna talk about it?” I turned to look at him. Then I looked down at myself. Did I really? Would that help me at all?

“I’m just… scared is all.” I played with my fingers before letting both of my hands relax in my lap.

“Scared of what? There’s nothing to be afraid of. It’s not like we’ll judge you or anything. I already know that you’re not shit at dancing.”

“I just… “ Did I want to tell him? Did I really want to start talking about such a sensitive topic right now? “I don’t know.”

“Well we all get scared sometimes. But if you really want to be with us, then you have to at least get used to dancing around us.”

That’s the thing. I didn’t exactly want to be with them. I didn’t want to be in a group that performs in front of thousands of people. But maybe I could try? I know they aren’t bad people. Well, aside from Aurou. He reminds me too much of Jean for my liking. The only difference is that he doesn’t tease me. He just has that cocky attitude that Jean has. Always talking about himself.

But other than that, they don’t seem that bad. Levi is an exception because his personality varies depending on his mood. But I don’t have much to say to him. Except he’s violent.

Sometimes.

I think.

But I just need to gain some kind of confidence at least.

“If it makes it easier, you can dance in front of just me. Then you can dance in front of me and Petra before she leaves. Then me, Petra, and Aurou. Then all of us. Either that or you can quit now. I won’t blame you or anything like that,”

He’s giving me the opportunity to quit. I should quit while I have the chance. But my gut is telling me to do it. My head is telling me to get the hell out of there. And my mouth is saying “I guess that works.”

That little voice in my head isn’t even talking to me anymore. It’s just slapping and kicking me and telling me I’m stupid. At least my gut is happy.

\--^--^--

I had to go clean the stage and I didn’t even want to go back there. Levi told me that he’d explain things to everyone else. He told me that he’d have everyone else go home but he’d stay back so he can help me with my little… problem. I can lie and say that I have this sick feeling in my stomach still.

But that could also be hunger. I hadn’t eaten that much today. Aside from my usual bit of fruit for breakfast and some water, I didn’t really eat anything else. I’d usually by something from the vending machine but it’s currently eating money and I don’t feel like fixing it. I’ll let the next guy do it.

I’ll just wait until I get home to eat. But I don’t even know if I’m really that hungry. Whatever.

I had just finished putting all of the supplies away. I was finally done for the day. The next guy who has the late shift should be coming soon but that didn’t mean that I’d be going home. I was probably going to be with Levi for a while. I grabbed my bag with an extra change of clothes, my phone, charger, and headphones in it and left the supply closet.

I headed back to the dance room and find him sitting in the middle of the floor, stretching. Some calm music blasting from the speakers. He had his legs in a straddle position and his arms reaching out in front of him. He bent forward slowly. Once I stepped all the way into the room he looked up and greeted me with a small nod. I put my bag over by Levi’s stuff.

He stood up and went towards the speakers, turning down the music so it was easier to her each other.

“Alright, brat.”

“That’s not my name.” I frowned and he gave me a look that said he didn’t care.

“Are you sure you want to do this? I’m giving you one more chance to back out and leave.”

This is another mind versus gut thing and my gut won again. With the help of my mouth of course. “I’m sure.”

“So to break the ice a little. I’ll play something. I’ll dance. And if you want, you can dance with me. Then you’re going to dance _for_ me.”

Yeah, that last sentence didn’t sound dirty at all. Whenever someone dances for someone. It’s usually something dirty. Like pole dancing. Or stripping. Or lap dances. All of that dirty shit that I can’t even see myself doing. I just pushed that thought away and nodded.

Maybe this won’t be so hard if I’m just dancing for Levi. This could have actually been a good idea.

I stretched my back out a little while Levi went to go put some music on. My head snapped towards Levi as the song started up. He was smirking. Out of all of the songs, he picks this one. He walked to the middle of the room while I stood back to just watch him through the large mirror in the room.

_I’m that flight that you get on_

_International_

_First class seat on my lap girl_

_Riding comfortable._

He brought his arms out to mirror an airplane. Before letting one arm fly out like a plane. His knee bent a bit as he tilted to the left and back. His hands rested on his lips as he did a little grinding move before doing like a small air thrust. I chuckled but also watched in awe.

The dance itself was like a mixture of something sexy but also fun to do and it was all too entertaining. The simplicity of the moves made it look easy to do. But I could already tell that unlike what I was doing before, he was making that up from the top of his head.

I swear I caught him grinning as he danced.

_Talk dirty to me_

I couldn’t even help it before I started dancing as well. Joining in with whatever he was doing while adding in my own moves. It was like a dance party with just the two of us. And it was _fun_ I wasn’t worried about messing up at all. I was more worried about having fun than anything else.

I had little to no anxiety. I wasn’t worried about the thing with my mother. I wasn’t worried about messing up. I was actually enjoying this. Dancing like it was nobody’s business.

Like nobody was there.

I guess you don’t worry about all of the bad things when you’re having fun. It’s like there’s nothing to worry about when you’re having fun. Anything could happen and it won’t be a problem. You could fall and get right back up like it never happened when you’re having fun.

I hadn’t even noticed that Levi stopped dancing and opted to watching me dance while drinking water. It didn’t even bother me. It didn’t scare me. I just let it happen because I was enjoying myself. There was nothing bothering me. No worries. Nothing.

Nothing’s wrong when you’re enjoying yourself as much as I was.

I ended the dance with song. Levi was clapping.

“Not bad, brat. Now you just have to do that about three more times.”

I looked up at him with wide eyes. I forgot. I was supposed to do that for Petra, Aurou, and Hanji. One by one. Doing it this one time was easy because I was just doing whatever. But now I have to do it again and again and again. I just-

“I’m kidding. I recorded some of your dance to show everyone instead.”

Now I was just confused. I didn’t even see him pick his phone up once. How could he have recorded me? My eyes scanned the room. There’s no way he could have recorded if he didn’t have… is that a camera in the corner?

Did I really not notice that?

I blinked.

How could I have not noticed a camera sitting there?

“We record a majority of our practice sessions just so we can see what doesn’t look right and what we need to work on.”

That answered the question I was probably going to ask just now.

“So I don’t have to dance for everyone again?” I thought that was part of our little deal to get me used to dancing in front of people.

“You’re going to have to. But only when we practice.” Levi was unplugging the speaker and packing it away in his bag. He was also packing up the camera.

“Oh, okay.” I answered. He could probably sense my hesitation and probably the fear that was starting to creep its way back into me because the next thing he said, pushed all of those thoughts away and made me calm. It made me smile.

“Don’t be scared, brat. You have something that most dancers that I’ve seen don’t have. You’re definitely something special.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. Let me jusr start by saying THAT I AM SO SORRY FOR BEING GONE FOR A MONTH. I post inspiration for the fic but I found itttt. And now I finally posted a chapter. I AM SUPER EXCITED BECAUSE I HAVE A BUNCH OF PLANS FOR THIS FIC. I ALREADY WROTE THE NEXT CHAPTER.  
> Pretty please forgive me for not posting. But I'm back with fresh ideas and a better attitude.  
> Also. Thanks for all the comments, Kudos, AND THANKS FOR 1000 HITS OKAY.  
> Songs:  
> She Came To Give It To You - Usher  
> Talk Dirty - Jason Derulo
> 
> Anyways, see you guys next post ^_^


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another fun chapter. By the way, Tumblr is Zenny-love :33 feel free to talk to my there if ya want.

Levi brought me home last night. We ended up talking a little and getting to know each other a little. I told him about school. About Mikasa. About Armin. Nothing about my parents. Just some simple things. I told him how old I was and stuff like that. He told me a few things about himself too. Giving that I had to ask him and beg him to tell me a few things too. But whatever. He’s 24 years old and he’s taking college courses online. He and Hanji had been friends for years. He used to live with her before the whole dance group thing and now he has his own house. And that’s about as much as we got to talk about by the time I got home.

And I was almost two hours late. I didn’t call or text Mikasa. Of course she had questions but I just told her I was too tired to talk about. No doubt that she’d want to talk to me about it again today. At least I can avoid it for most of the morning. But I bet she’d be asking about it during lunch. And I can’t avoid it after school because I don’t work until Wednesday. On Monday’s, Tuesday’s, and sometimes Sunday’s I’m off. But I work for the rest of the week after that.

Levi says that today we have to meet up at his house. He’s going to show everyone the video and we’re going to talk about that. Petra wants to talk to me about a few things. And then Levi says we have to start practicing for the next performance. Levi gave me his number so he can text or call me when he’s picking me up.

Mikasa doesn’t know Levi and I know that she probably won’t like him when she meets him. That’s how it is with her. She’s over protective.

Come to think of it, I don’t even think I want to talk to them about dancing yet. They’ll start asking questions. They’ll make me do things I probably wouldn’t want to do. But what the hell am I saying? They’re my best friends. They wouldn’t make me do something that I don’t want to do. I’m just being stupid again.

Although that doesn’t mean that I want to talk to them about dancing just yet. When I’m ready to, I will. But considering the fact that the Titan Slayers are actually a really famous dance group, it shouldn’t even take long for word to get out that there’s someone new joining. Probably by the next performance that I’m oh so excited about. But if it’s before that, Mikasa will find out earlier.

But honestly, I’m surprised at the amount of free time they have. I expected them to be surrounded by fans all of the time and to be going to interviews and talk shows and stuff like that. Maybe I’ll ask Levi about that later.

The morning went by pretty quick. As usual, my teachers complain about my test grades. But they can’t complain about homework when Armin would make me do it sometimes. I just refuse to give a shit about tests. I hate school and I don’t even see a point in going. This information is not useful in dance anyways. I don’t even think I want to go to college. I’d rather work or just stay home all day for the rest of my life doing nothing. Who cares about College anyways?

Well Armin does. And Mikasa too but whatever.

I actually just realized something. Dancing hurts me mentally. But yesterday, I was actually having fun while doing it. And surprisingly, I didn’t get showered on with regret. That’s the first time. I don’t even feel it today. Maybe it’ll just come at the worst time possible. That’s what happens anyways. Armin always told me not to think of the worse things in life but when there aren’t many good things, the bad things over power. It’s like taking a yellow marker and color on your paper. Then you take a green marker, that’s obviously darker than yellow’ and coloring over it. Does the yellow still stay there or does the green cover it? Obviously the green would cover it and over power it if it wanted to. Sure light shines through dark but sometimes dark overpowers.

The hell am I saying? I’m just getting dramatic now.

Maybe I am feeling a little bit of regret. Just a little. That I actually let myself enjoy dancing. I really shouldn’t have enjoyed it at all. I should’ve just said no. But I did promise Petra that I’d try my best since I would be taking her place. So I can’t let that feeling of regret take over me and cause me to quit.

Fucking promises. I hate keeping them.

It’s like, I want to feel the regret and hate myself for dancing and then quit for the rest of my life. But I also want to fulfill that promise and make sure that I don’t mess anything up. But I also don’t want to dance again. But I also want to try.

Ugh. I don’t even know anymore.

“Eren? Are you okay?” My eyes went wide. I hadn’t even realized my head was in my hands till I looked over at Armin who was walking a few steps in front of me. Oh yeah. We were heading to lunch.

“Yeah I’m fine.” I gave a small nod.

“Are you sure? You weren’t looking to good there. Did something happen? You came home late yesterday…”

I scratched the back of my head and laughed awkwardly. “I just uh… I got caught up at work again. The guy that was supposed to come in after me came late and my boss wanted me to stay late until he came.” That would work as a lie. I hope.

But the look Armin gave me showed me that I should just give up and tell him now.

“So what’s the real reason? And don’t say ‘that was the real reason’ I can tell you’re lying. Your ears turn red whenever you lie.” Dammit. Curse my body’s guilt.

“Fine. Just… I’ll tell you about it when we get home.” I really didn’t feel like explaining it.

“Are you going to tell Mikasa too?” No. No. No. No. No. I was not telling Mikasa. I wasn’t telling her about Hanji, Petra, Aurou, or Levi. I was not going to tell her about dancing or being a part of the wonderful Titan Slayers. She’d flip. She’d pester me about meeting them. Then she wouldn’t like them. She wouldn’t want me hanging out around them because they’re a few years older then me. According to Wikipedia, Levi is 24. Hanji is 26. Petra is 23 Aurou is 23. I’m 17 turning 18 in March.

What? It’s like a 5 or 6 year difference between most of us. Hanji is the oldest of all of us. Yet the only thing she does is help make outfits and according to Wikipedia, she helps with the lighting and stuff too. She deals with all of the effects for shows.

Then again, I shouldn’t rely on Wikipedia for everything,

“No. Well yes but not now. Soon. Just not at this moment.”

“She’s going to ask questions.”

“I’ll figure something out.” I shrugged.

We approached the double doors that Mikasa had been waiting near. Waiting for us like she always did before we all went in and took our seats at our usual table.

Horseface, Freckled Jesus, Potato Girl, and Connie were all having a conversation about who knows what. They paused for a second to greet us before going back to their conversations. I ate my salad silently, avoiding Mikasa’s gaze by staring down at my own food.

That’s when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I pulled it out but kept it under the table as I read it.

**Levi: Yo. Brat. What time do you get out of school?**

I looked up at Mikasa who had her eyebrow raised at me before I looked back down at my phone and replied.

**Eren: That’s not my name**

**Eren: And school ends at 3. Why?**

I locked my phone and looked up at Mikasa. “Who’s that?” She asked me.

“No one important.” I turned to Armin who was looking between Mikasa and I.

“Eren.” She said and I just ignored her, looking down and unlocking my phone again after I felt it vibrate once more.

**Levi: Don’t care.**

I rolled my eyes and it vibrated again.

**Levi: I’m picking you up after school then.**

I paused. If he’s picking me up, then Mikasa might see him and ask question. Neither she nor Armin has afterschool today so we’d be walking home together today. I guess not. Unless I can persuade Levi to wait or meet me somewhere else. I doubt that’ll happen though. But he told me he’d be picking me up at around 5. Which would give me an hour to convince Mikasa to let me out, and an hour to get ready.

**Eren: I thought you said 5**

“Eren.” I looked up at Mikasa who had her arms crossed. I immediately looked down at my phone that vibrated more than once.

**Levi: Change of plans.**

**Levi: We’re doing a little something for Petra and I need you to help me pick out supplies and all of that shit.**

I didn’t even bother to look up at Mikasa. I just started typing my reply to Levi again. I knew she was probably going to be pissed at me for ignoring her.

**Eren: Why do you need my help?**

He could just ask someone else to do it. Like Hanji or something. If I go somewhere with someone Mikasa doesn’t know, she’ll kill me and him.

**Levi: Stop being a difficult little shit and help me before I shove my foot so far up your ass that it’ll come out of your mouth.**

My eyes went wide at that before I rolled my eyes. That’s just Levi. It’s like as soon as you meet him you could tell immediately what kind of attitude he has. That just makes him so much easier to tease. But I was too lazy to think of a comeback for what he said.

**Eren: Okay damn.**

But then again…

**Eren: And I don’t think I’m the little shit here :P**

I chuckled and that’s what drew attention from everyone else. The table went silent and when I looked up from my phone. Everyone was looking at me with confused looks.

“Oooh. Who are you texting Eren?” Of course Jean had to be the first to ask.

“None of your business Horseface.”

“I’d love to know who you’re talking too. Maybe it’s a girlfriend or a boyfriend that I never heard about?” Mikasa looked and sounded like she was ready to kill. Her small eyes were narrowed at me.

Oh yeah. I forgot that I had the whole bisexual talk with her. Yeah. Girls are cool but guys are too. After Jean went after Mikasa and before Marco we had a little thing. And then shit happened and now we hate each other’s guts like we did before we dated.

“Relax. I don’t have a girlfriend.” I put my phone on the table next to my unfinished salad.

“So that means you have a boyfriend?” She assumed. Can’t a boy text in piece?

“No Mikasa. I don’t have a boyfriend either.”

“Who’d like him anyways?” Jean laughed and I glared at him.

“You did.” That’s all I needed to say to keep him quiet because he knows that I’m right.

“That doesn’t explain why you came home late yesterday either.” Mikasa cut in and now I was stuck. I didn’t want to explain it right here and right now. Not to mention that I didn’t know how to explain that Levi was picking me up after school either. This was a sticky situation.

Everyone stared at me again. Everyone except for Armin who just went back to eating his food. I took a deep breath.

“Fine. Alright. I was late because I was talking with one of the performers. A dancer. And he offered to drive me home since he was heading that way anyways.”

Well it wasn’t a complete lie. I just left out the fact that that specific performer was also a part of the Titan Slayers. A dance group in which I was now a part of. And that I was doing more than just talking, but I was dancing as well. I didn’t leave out that much information, did I?

“Is that the person you were texting?” Mikasa wasn’t going to stop until she got all the information she needed. 

“Yeah. Um. He uh, wants to meet up with me after school so we can talk more.”

“About?”

Shit Mikasa can’t you just let it go and leave it at that?

“…Nothing.”

“How old is this guy?”

Ugh.

“Does it matter?”

“Yes. I want to meet him and make sure he’s not a pervert.”

“Mikasa. No.”

“Eren. Yes. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I’m not going to get hurt.”

“Eren I-“

“Hey guys. Lunch is over.” Marco interrupted the both of us and I’m glad for that. I was so close to yelling at her.

This is why I didn’t want to tell her about it. She’d go all mother bird on me and start asking questions that don’t have to do with her. I know Levi isn’t some perv. If he was, he would’ve tried something. I wish she’d trust me and stop treating me like a baby. She’s not even my mother and she never will be.

And she wasn’t meeting Levi either. I put the salad away and decided to eat it later. I picked up my phone to see if Levi messaged me back in which he did.

**Levi: You’re digging your own grave brat.**

I chuckled a little and just left it at that. The calmed me down just enough.

\--^--^--

I texted Armin sometime during last period that I wanted him to find a way to keep Mikasa from following me to meet Levi. Even though Armin only knew just as much as Mikasa knew, he still said he’d do it. He did say that it might be a bad idea so I had to beg him before he gave in and said he’d try.

Now here I was, walking out of the school alone and quickly. I looked around for Levi’s car. I remember it being black. I think a black Lamborghini? Yeah. That’s what it was.

I looked behind me to see if they came out. Instead of taking my sweet time at my locker I was rushing so I can leave before Mikasa showed up. But since I left early, Mikasa and Armin should be here any minute. Even if I asked Armin to stall. I looked around more for Levi and turned around to see if they came again. I saw Armin walking out and that’s when I knew that I was out of time.

Just then, Levi’s car pulled up and I didn’t hesitate to run to it. He had his window down so I waved for him to unlock the doors.

“Eren!” that was Mikasa’s voice. As soon as the door’s unlocked, I jumped in immediately.

“Pull off Levi. Just pull off.” I said as I rolled up the window slowly. Once I felt the car pulling off I sighed in relief.

“Jeez Brat what’s got you all pushy?” He asked and I just shook my head

“Don’t even worry about it.” I tried my best to hide my irritated tone. Of course it didn’t work because the look Levi sent me as we approached a red light said that it was something to worry about.

“I’ll tell you about it later. Just don’t look at me like that.” I looked down at my phone in my hand that just vibrated. When I saw who the message was from, I just disregarded it and put my phone in my pocket. As soon as Levi started driving again, I looked over at him. He was wearing some black, tight Jeans and a hoody. Courtesy to the sun, he also wore sun glasses. He looked like an actual famous person without the flashy clothes.

But then again he is. I wonder if he ever gets trampled by fans in public or something. I wonder if people ask him for his autograph and stuff like that. I wonder if word got out that I would be joining them. I wonder if people will actually acknowledge my existence in school.

I wonder if-

“Take a picture.”

I tilted my head, doglike in confusion. “Huh?”

“If you’re going to look at me the entire car ride, then take a picture. It’ll last longer. Your staring is annoying.”

I felt my face heating up and I looked away immediately. “Sorry.” I rubbed the back of my neck awkwardly. “So. Where are we going?” I had to change the subject quickly. Just because I think I made it more awkward then it should’ve been.

“To the store.”

“We just passed a shopping complex.”

“We’re not going there. We’re going to the one near my house.”

“And where is your house.”

“It’s not far from the theatre. It’s that big yet quiet area farther up from the theatre you work at.”

…That’s where rich people live.  _Rich._  Like Mansions and stuff like that. Those kinds of houses with a bunch of bathrooms and bedrooms and extra rooms and a large living room and a large kitchen and wow.

“Yo you okay brat? You like you just jizzed yourself or something.” He said it so casually.

“I didn’t!” I pouted and looked forward so I wasn’t looking at Levi.

“Better not have. I’d make you clean it yourself. And then after you clean it, I’ll kill you for doing it anyways.”

“Whatever. I said I didn’t anyways.” I mumbled

According to the text I got from Levi earlier, we were doing something for Petra’s departure. I guess it was just a little party or something like that. So we were most likely going to buy food. Was I supposed to get a going away present or something like that? Probably not.

Levi turned up the radio.

_Who said you can’t find love in a club?_

It was that Chris Brown song. With I think.. Usher and that other guy? I think it was Rick Ross? Yeah. Him. I don’t like him that much but oh well.

_“Cause I wanna tell them they’re wrong_

_Come on baby try a new thing_

_And let’s spark a new flame”_

I turned to Levi who was gladly singing along to it. He didn’t spark me as the kind of guy who listened to pop or rap or whatever. But then again, that was stupid. Judging by the song he chose to dance to last night. Not to mention the song I was supposed to dance to had been an Usher song. But then I didn’t get to because… well… maybe I shouldn’t think about that. I happily joined in with his singing. Why not?

_“You gon’ be my baby_

_Love me, love you crazy_

_Tell me if you’re ready_

_Baby, come and get it_

_Try a new thing_

_And let’s spark a new flame.”_

We both stopped when Rick Ross started rapping. As a matter of fact, Levi actually turned the music a little. Guess he didn’t like him either.

“I didn’t know you sang.” I said, staring at him staring at the road.

“Didn’t know you did either.” He said simply and I just turned away a little embarrassed.

“I’m not that good anyways…” I mumbled.

“Don’t give me that bull. You can sing and you can dance. What else can you do?”

“I uh…” Well I play a few instruments and sometimes like to draw as well. “I play the piano. And the guitar.”

“Four things. You really are something special huh? A dancer, singer, pianist, and guitarist. Damn, brat. If I had the time to learn all of that then I definitely would.”

I blushed. And I opted to looking out of the window so he wouldn’t see it. I’m really not that special. I just dabble a bit and try new things sometimes.

“You don’t play any instruments?” I asked, still admiring whatever the hell was outside of the window just to avoid him seeing me blush like I was.

“Guitar.” I watched as the car turned into a shopping complex. There was hell of a lot of fancy cars in the parking lot. And people wearing semi nice clothes. I suddenly felt underdressed and out of place. But then again, Levi was wearing a pair of jeans and a sweater so what am I saying? I was wearing a pair of jeans, a green shirt and a jean jacket. It’s because it was around the end of September so it wasn’t that cold. It was getting closer to sweater weather.

Levi pulled into a parking space and turned the car off. He grabbed his phone and wallet and got out the car. I just placed my bag behind my seat before stepping out. I swear that some of the people here  _looked_  stuck up and snobby and crap. Great.

Although, Levi looked different. He looked more like he didn’t let the money get to him. He was pretty damned different.

Not to mention, he had a pretty nice face too. Pretty nice? What the fuck?

_He is fucking gorgeous._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Needed a singing and guitar playing Levi and an extremely talented Eren in my life. Why? because yes. Leave feedback.   
> Also, what do you guys think about magic and stuffs like that?
> 
> Song:  
> New Flame by Chris Brown, Usher, and Rick Ross


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's a long chapter to make up for my lack of posting /).(\

Shopping didn’t take that long. We bought some food. Some spices. Some vegetables. Then we also bought some snacks and stuff as well. Guess it was going to be one of those dinner and then snack things. Levi also picked up a bottle of wine while he was at it.

I was pouting half way through the store because he said that I couldn’t have any because I was too young. Stupid laws. It’s not like I haven’t drank before because I definitely have. Sometimes when we’d have parties, Connie and Sasha would bring drinks and we’d all get shitfaced. Of course we all regretted it in the morning but it was still fun. Even when I told him that, he of course still refused because he didn’t need some ‘under aged brat running around drunk off my dick trying to tell the difference between piss and apple juice’. No fair.

We were heading to Levi’s house not too long after this. Once we pulled up, I couldn’t hold in my surprise. It was a big house. No doubt the inside would seem bigger.

And it was. It wasn’t like those fancy houses or anything with the Chandeliers to swing from. Or like expensive vases and shit. But it was big as shit.

His living room was huge. Flat screen TV mounted on the wall. A fireplace beneath it. Some furniture surrounding it. Pure white carpet on the floor. Paintings hung up. A little movie case next to the TV. On the other side of the TV was a case with a bunch of CD’s. He probably had all sorts of types of music in that CD case. There was expensive looking furniture surrounding a little coffee table that was placed nicely in the middle of the living room.

One thing I noticed was that everything was clean. The carpets didn’t look a little dull they looked completely white. His furniture was shiny and dust free. Even the TV looked clean. It was as if he cleaned every single day.

I was just about to step on the carpet and walk further into the house but that’s when I felt a hand on my shoulder, holding me back.

“Uh, no.” I felt a hand on my chest holding me back and looked down to see Levi staring up at me as if I was stupid. Then he pointed down to my black and white converse. “Take your dirty shoes off and put them over there.” He pointed to a bin with a few shoes in it.

I didn’t argue nor did I even complain about the insult he just gave my shoes. At least now I know why everything is so clean. It’s because he keeps things from getting dirty. I took a deep breath and bent down to pull my own sneakers off, walking over to the bin and placing them in along with Levi’s shoes.

I went back to the door to pick up the bags I helped Levi carry into the house and followed said man to what was most likely the kitchen. I expected the house to be empty considering the fact that it was quiet. But when we entered the Kitchen, I saw a large man with a Mr. clean face sitting at the table, reading what looked to be a cook book.

“Did you get the ingredients?” Mr. Clean asked, not even looking up from the cook book. I placed the groceries on the counter where Levi placed the other ones.

“Yes. Don’t think you’re going to be the one cooking though.” Levi started putting things into a fridge and cabinet.

Mr. Clean finally decided to look up. I bet he was about to say something to Levi but his eyes landed on me. “And who’s this?” This man looked like a damn model. What the hell?

“He can introduce himself.” I looked between Levi and Mr. Clean before taking a deep breath.

“My name is Eren. Eren Jaeger.” I awkwardly held my hand out while Mr. Clean took it and gave it a shake.

“Erwin Smith. It’s a pleasure.” Mr. Cle- er, Erwin, smiled up at me and released my hand. “Would you be the Eren that will be joining the Titan Slayers?” he asked, turning his body to face me completely.

“Y-yes.” Such a perfect time to be all shy and stuttery. Wonderful.

“Ah. Well I would be their manager. They seemed to have made such a big decision without consulting with me. I am sorry to say that in order to join the Titan Slayers, you will have to audition like everyone else. I have no idea why they would make such a decision without telling me. I am so sorry Mr. Jaeger”

“W-what?”

My eyes grew wide. What? I didn’t read about a manager on Wikipedia. I thought they managed themselves. It said nothing of a manger.

No one told me that I’d have to get through this guy to be able to join. I thought I just had to get through Levi. No one said a thing about a manager. What even? That doesn’t make sense. Why would they let me join without consulting with their manager? Without even letting me meet their manager?

And audition? Why would I have to audition? They said that it was mostly up to Levi to decide on whether or not I would be able to join them! They said that if Levi said I was good then I’d be able to join. None of this made sense at all.

I glanced at Levi who simply rolled his eyes. “He’s just fucking with you. I’m surprised you actually fell for it.”

I hadn’t even realized that I was holding my breath till I sighed in relief. Erwin chuckled. I wiped some sweat off of my head and took in another breath.

“He’s right. I’m just a close friend of Levi and everyone else.” He smiled at Levi who snorted.

“I didn’t agree to us being friends.”

I chuckled at what Levi said and Erwin just shook his head, still with that kind smile on his face. “He’s kidding.”

“Yeah sure. Now get the hell out of the kitchen so I can cook.” He started shooing us off and I walked out of the kitchen, Erwin following behind. Just as we walked out, the door opened.

“Leviiiiiiii~!” An overly excited Hanji ran right past us and into the kitchen to Levi. I heard a loud thud.

“What the fuck?!”

“Levi!! I brought some stuff for you to use when cooking the deserttttt!”

“Put over there with the other stuff and get out of the kitchen.”

“But Leviiiiii…”

“Don’t you _Levi_ me. Get the hell out. You know my rule. Get out and go do something with Erwin and Eren.”

I heard sudden footsteps getting closer and closer and closer before…

“Erennnnnn~!” Suddenly a heavy body slammed against mine and caused me to lose balance. I landed flat down with Hanji on top of me, arms wrapped and squeezing me to death.

I was clawing at the carpet, gasping for air and begging for help.

I looked to Erwin hoping that he could see the suffering in my eyes. He didn’t even spare me a glance. Levi was too busy cooking to even know that I was dying. And Hanji was asking me a billion questions that I couldn’t answer through my dying breathes.

Well. May as well start telling my sins and thanking whoever the hell for this interesting life. Yup. I’m sorry I stole that piece of candy from the store when I was six. I really wanted it but my mom said no. I’m sorry I punched that kid in the face when I was in middle school and gave him a black eye, but he was asking for it. I’m sorry for-

The heavy weight that had been crushing me was finally lifted. I took in a deep breath and turned to see what god just saved me.

Well. Goddess because standing and holding Hanji was Petra. “Gosh Hanji. You almost killed him!” She held a hand out to me and I gladly took it. And pushed myself up while she pulled. “Are you okay, Eren?” She sounded sort of worried but I just grinned at her.

“I am now. Thanks!”

She looked to sigh in relief. I thought I was finally free but I felt the hand of the one that once nearly killed me, grab my wrist and start pulling me. “Come on! Let’s give you a tour of Levi’s house.”

She was pulling me away from the living room. I could faintly hear Levi shout “Stay out of my room!”

She dragged me down a hall and into what was obviously a bathroom.

“This is a bathroom.” She stated obviously.

Then she pulled me back down the hallway and towards the staircase that had been located on the left side of the living room when entering. We went downstairs first. The first thing I saw was a big empty space that looked like a dance studio. There were two poles in the middle of it and a large mirror on each size. In the corner was a large radio and a rack filled to the brim with music.

“This is the dance room. Levi was going to get a bar installed near the mirror but thought it was pointless.”

I just gave a simple nod and she dragged me farther down and through another door. In this small room was a black couch. In front of the couch was a flat screen TV sitting on a small cabinet that seemed to be filled with a bunch of movies. There were also a few game consoles including the PS4 and the Xbox 1 and the Wii U. There was also an old Xbox360 sitting in the corner unplugged. Behind me was a small case full of games for all of the consoles that he owned. He had more games than Jean and I combined. Well. That’s what it’s like being sort of rich and famous. In another corner of the room was a mini fridge.

“This is the game room.”

She pulled me to another room that had washing machines, dryers, a dirty clothes pile, and a bunch of cleaning supplies in it. Obviously a laundry room. There was another door in the corner. Probably a bathroom.

“This is Levi’s heaven.”

She said and I tilted my head confused.

“He has a little thing with cleaning.”

Ah. I nodded and then she grabbed my wrist. Pulling me back the way we came and back up the stairs where we entered the living room for a brief second and then went upstairs to the top floor. There was a door at the end of the hall. “That’s Levi’s room.” She pointed at the door.

Then she pointed to the door on the left. “This is a closet full of extra towels and other cleaning supplies. She turned and made a left and we were walking down a smaller hallway. She pointed to a door marked ‘Keep Out’

“That’s another dance room I think. But no one is allowed in it. It’s Levi’s private dance room. None of us have ever been in it.”

“How come?” I asked and she shrugged.

“I don’t know. He just doesn’t like us in there. Or anyone in there at all.”

“Oh.” I stared at the closed door before turning to follow Hanji. She went around the stair case and down another hallway there was one door on the left and another door straight down. Hanji pointed to the door on the left.

“That’s another bathroom. There’s also one in Levi’s room but it’s his private bathroom since we aren’t allowed in his room.”

That’s more understandable then the whole dance room thing. I’m sort of curious as to what is in the room. What’s Levi hiding? There has to be a reason as to why he doesn’t let people in it.

“This is a guest room.” Hanji said pointing at the slightly open door. We didn’t go inside.

“And that’s Levi’s house!” she announced before leaving me and rushing down the stairs. I was planning on following her but was curious. I started walking up the hall and then taking a left, past the staircase and then in the direction of the room that said ‘Keep Out’ on it. I wasn’t even half way to the room when I heard a thud.

“Hey! Shitty Glasses! Don’t get blood on my rug!” A shout from downstairs. I immediately rushed to the staircase and down to see what happened. I couldn’t get to the bottom because there was a body blocking me. It was Hanji’s. She was practically laying on the stair case and part of the floor. I chuckled and stared down at the groaning Hanji for a second.

“Yo! Brat!” I looked over at the doorway to see Levi standing there. He gestured for me to come by. I looked down at Hanji then at him. Should I just jump over her? Petra looked like she was going to take care of her anyways. So I decided, why the hell not? I jumped down enough stairs at school before and landed perfectly fine so I could probably make it.

I leapt off of the stairs. I thought I would make it but by the time I was actually on the ground, I ended up losing my balance and landing flat on my face. “Shit!”

A slow clap coming from ahead of me. “Nice job.” It was obviously Levi.

I rolled my eyes and flipped him off.

\--^--^--

So after my little fail of falling flat on my face and Levi being an ass. I ended up helping him out with the food and stuff. He just had me cut vegetables to speed up the process. In that time, Aurou showed up. He ended up getting all gushy and stuff about Petra leaving before we could even get the actual party started.

Hanji says that once we finish eating food and stuff, we’re going to “turn up”. Never have I ever wanted her to not use such a phrase ever in her life. And I’m definitely going to make sure that she doesn’t.

Anyways. We actually just finished eating. And the food was freaking heavenly. Who knew Levi was such a good cook? It’s like he belongs on some sort of show about cooking or like working at chef instead of a dancer. But then again, Levi is like one of the best dancers that I know. He dances much better than he cooks if I know one thing. This coming from someone who watched all of the Titan Slayers videos and some of Levi’s individual dancing videos.

But I’m not a stalker or anything. I just like to do my research.

I also discovered the Levi isn’t just gorgeous in his dancing videos. He’s also gorgeous when he’s cooking too. I find that when he’s wearing an apron, it kind of suits him. And it also makes him look kind of good.

Maybe his ass too… But I wasn’t looking or anything.

And I need to know what I’ll be working with specifically. Just how hard the dances are. How many people we’ll have to perform in front of. All of that stuff.

Also I wonder why there are never any of those fans that run up to him and ask for their autographs and stuff like that. But then again. Maybe I’m blowing the whole, famous thing, out of proportion and am just day-dreaming a bit too much.

But then again, they are famous to a point where they have performed on live television and guess stared and stuff. They were on Ellen before. And they’re also famous enough for the tabloids and all of that crap to be in their business. Enough for teen magazine and all of that other crap to make false accusations. And those rumors seemed to have gone around pretty fast too.

It’s not like I dug around and searched for information about each of their personal lives or anything but…

There was one that I saw where Levi and Petra had been accused of dating before because of one little thing with a performance. Or how he was caught looking at her or holding her hand. But I read somewhere else that he later denied it when he was asked in an interview. Plus. Petra and Aurou look more like they’ve be a couple with the way they’re always so close. And always talking too. Levi hardly even spared a glance in Petra’s direction unless they’re talking but he doesn’t hate her. I know that for a fact.

There were also the ones with Aurou and Hanji? Which had to have been the weirdest thing ever. I can’t even see those guys together. It’s just… odd. There were the ones where they accused Petra of being pregnant who denied it in an interview also and implied it in a tweet. They accused Aurou of being gay and to prove them wrong, he posted a picture of him kissing some random girl on his Instagram.

There was the one where Erwin was with Hanji. And the one where he planned on quitting. That one wasn’t even answered but it’s obviously not true either.

I read a few things that said that that the reason why this dance group is so famous is because Levi once had a solo career of being a singer and songwriter. But he quit that stuff to go into dancing and what not. The reasons why he quit that side had not been specified. But if I know one thing, it wasn’t anything too life threatening considering the fact that he can still sing pretty well. Judging by the way he sang in the car with me a few hours ago and sounded like some kind of god.

Anyways, that rumor isn’t true. Well that’s what I think at least. I believe that their reason for success is how unique their choreography is. The way that they put on little acts as if they are in a musical. Watching their dances was like listening to music. It got you into more than a dance mood but it also got you into whatever mood the dance was. If the dance was rebellious, you felt rebellious. If the dance was scary, you’d be a bit scared or you’d want to be scary. If the dance was sad, you’d be sad. If it was happy, you’d be happy.

Well. At least that’s what I think. I don’t know about anyone else.

But it’s kind of weird, though. Being a part of a famous dance group that performed for over 100 people already. And I don’t have any worries.

Well I should and if I do, I don’t know what they are now. Maybe I’m actually over the whole thing with my mom. Or at least I hope I am. I mean. Maybe fate won’t repeat such a thing and ruin my life again. I already had a small attack before. But maybe things will start looking up. Maybe I won’t have a problem dancing in front of them anymore.

Maybe I won’t have a problem dancing in front of anyone anymore.

But then again, I don’t know that. I guess I’m just feeling a bit overly confident.

“And then. Aurou’s drunk as hell. Petra’s trying to keep Aurou quiet. Levi’s yelling at the waiter about the bill and Erwin is trying to calm Levi down and apologize to the waiter. All of this while I just came back to the bathroom!” Hanji’s laughed loudly and Levi snorted.

“That bill was not even ours. That fucking dick couldn’t read.”

“But you didn’t have to threaten his entire family. The poor man looked horrified.” Erwin interjected.

“Good. He was a dumbfuck anyways. I don’t even think I was being that harsh.” Levi responded.

“Levi. The poor man was almost in tears.” Petra spoke.

“Woah you made a waiter cry?” I asked with a bit of surprise.

“Levi can make anyone cry.” Aurou said behind his small laughter.

“I think it’s his height that makes him seem a little less intimidating.” Hanji whispered to me and I busted out laughing.

Levi glared at the both of us like he knew exactly what we said. That silenced us immediately. And I took the whole ‘less intimidating’ thing back in my head because with that glare, he could kill someone.

I watched Levi as he stood and went over to his camera bag that had been placed on the coffee table. We had all been seated around the TV in the living room. Erwin and Levi were seated together on the smaller couch. Aurou was sitting in the chair and Petra sat on the arm of the chair. Hanji and I were on the bigger couch.

He opened up his laptop, which had been placed right beside it, and turned it on while pulling a cord out of the camera bag as well as taking the camera out. He plugged the cord into the camera and the other into the computer then waited patiently for the computer to start up while everyone else engaged in conversation.

I was the only who hadn’t been talking to someone. I was too busy watching Levi.

Wait. That sounded creepy.

I was watching what Levi was doing.

That still sounds creepy. But whatever

I opted to just daydreaming instead of staring at Levi and being a creep and all of that stuff. I mean it’s not my fault everything he does is attracted. And then I found myself beginning to daydream about him. But his voice cut through my little cloud and took my attention.

“Yo! Take a look at the brat dancing.”

My eyes grew wide and I immediately looked down at myself. I suddenly felt a bit shy about it. Maybe even insecure and embarrassed. And the video didn’t even start yet. That’s the funny part about it. I took the initiative and got off of the couch and moved over to the chair that Aurou once sat in. Now he was sitting in my old seat beside Petra and Hanji.

Levi was leaning against the chair that I was sitting on while the video played.

The song ‘Talk dirty to me’ played on the laptop and everyone was fully engulfed in the video. I, on the other hand, was hiding my face from embarrassment.

I didn’t know how to react to the video. Nor did I know how to react to their reactions which didn’t even seem to be much.

It’s not like I did that well anyways.

Christ. Where did all of that confidence I had earlier go? Now I don’t even know what to think. I brought my legs up and pulled them close to my chest. Then buried my face in my arms and took a deep breath.

What if they didn’t like it? What if they didn’t like the way I dance? What if they make fun of me or call me names or something? I know I shouldn’t be worrying so much about this but what else can I expect? Am I really supposed to feel confident about something like that? There are only two people that have seen me dance in the last four years and one was Levi. And the other was me. No one else in the past four years all because of my anxiety.

But Levi is only recent. And I was still a bit scared to dance in front of him at first. The last time I was just lucky. I got distracted and it felt as though I was dancing in front of myself and not Levi.

What if I messed up and didn’t realize? What if they laugh at me? What would I do?

I felt myself shaking a little bit. Not even from embarrassment. I was more or less scared of their reactions. That’s when I felt a hand on my back and a surprisingly gentle voice close to my ear.

“Calm down. It’s okay. You don’t have to be scared or anything.” It was Levi. His voice sounded softer than usual but still had that sternness in it that showed that he was still his usual self. But for the oddest reason, he was comforting. And it reminded me of how he sounded when he was calming me down that day in the bathroom. Only his voice was far gentler then than it is now.

“B-but…” I tried.

“Sh. It’s fine. Trust me. You have nothing to worry about.”

I hadn’t realized the hand on my back at move up my next and into my hair where it had been stroking gently. I felt myself calm down a little. My body, that I hadn’t even realized was tense, slowly began to relax and I wasn’t as tense. I nuzzled a bit into the hand that had been running through my hair before looking up.

I glanced at everyone only to see that they were smiling and they held excitement in their eyes. It sounded like the video was about to end. My eyes surveyed the room only to find Levi who was now sitting on the arm of the chair and staring down at me. The hand in my hair had been removed and we made eye contact for a second.

Within that second, I noticed that his eyes were sort of blue rather than the gray-blue color that I had saw the first time we made eye contact. This time, they were mostly blue. I couldn’t even hold back a small grin as we stared into each other’s eyes.

But then he broke contact with me for the same reason I turned away from him. There was loud clapping and everyone had been staring at me.

“Damn Eren! You’re freaking amazing!” Said Aurou. “Not as amazing as me but still amazing.” I rolled my eyes at him but still smiled.

“Wow. You dance really well Eren.” Came Erwin’s kind reaction and I gave him a small nod.

“Wow Eren! You’re just so… Wow! I knew you were a good dancer.” Hanji complimented me.

“You’re so much better than I thought you’d be at dancing! I’m so glad that you’re the one that Levi chose to dance in place of me. You’re wonderful and so very unique!” Petra said and that actually caused me to turn away and blush from embarrassment.

“Thank you so much, guys.” I honestly didn’t know what to say. I scratched the back of my head, still looking away to hide my reddish cheeks.

They all looked so happy and so proud of me. It was heartwarming and only caused me to smile more.

I guess Levi was right. Maybe I didn’t have anything to worry about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously though, I'm sorry. I would've posted this faster but for some reason this chapter was hard to write. It's like I always his a block. But I finally forced this out of me and it came out pretty well I guess. Hopefully I'll be able to write easier now that this chapter is done. Sorry if it's boring too. Also, thanks for the comments and the kudos and the hits and everything! See you next post.   
> My tumblr is Zenny-Love :33


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a short chapter that's still influential to the plot.

 

So the party was pretty fun after Levi showed them my video. We danced. Well, they danced. I mostly watched except for a little bit of swaying maybe but not much. I was just too afraid. I had honestly thought that I’d be over this. But then again, things like this aren’t so easy to get rid of. They are easily stuck with you for a while. The good memories and thoughts fade easier than the bad ones do. The bad memories stick with you and leave you scarred. It’s a constant reminder of why you can’t do things and why you lack so much confidence.

 

I know I don’t have a reason to be scared because they’re all so nice but that’s always the first impression people make when they try to be friends with you. Well, Levi’s an exception considering the fact that the day that we met he chased me out of the bathroom and slammed me against a wall demanding that I join his dance group.

 

But then there are people like Petra, Hanji, Erwin, and Aurou. They’re all so kind. Except for Aurou who is a little cocky at times. Hanji is pretty weird too. Sometime during the party she gave me this long ass lecture about science and fashion and how the two aren’t as appreciated as they should be by the public. I don’t even know how the two tie together. It was likely that she explained it but I wasn’t paying attention to any of it.

 

Levi danced a few times and that was one of the interesting parts of the party. He had my attention more than everyone else did.

 

But I do know that Petra is a really good dancer as we. She’s more of the ballet type but she can dance to any hip hop song if she tries. But she’ll put her own kick to it which makes it interesting.

 

And then Aurou can do all of these cool moves that not even I could do without a bunch of practice. I honestly wonder how he could be so young and move so easily when he looks like the oldest one in the group.

 

But then there’s Levi. Oh Levi. What the hell have you done to me? I can’t keep my eyes off of you and I don’t even know why. It’s not something I can stop. It’s like his dances are like a mixture of the three. Gentle but harsh. A bit robotic but so smooth. And so sexy also. Loose and tight at the same time. Every pop has something. Every movement of the hip shows some attitude. Every time he puts his hands on himself, it shows that this is his own dance and no one else’s. Every spin has grace. Everything holds art. How does he do it?

 

I honestly do look up to him. Maybe his personality is a little iffy but he’s pretty fun to be around once you get past his gray facial expression. And for someone that I haven’t known for as long as I’ve known Armin or Mikasa, I kind of like to be with him and have conversations with him. But I have only known him and the others for a few days personally. Being a fan doesn’t count. But maybe this was similar to like a little welcome and get to know thing? I really don’t know.

 

After a few hours of fun and stuff, Levi ended up retreating to the kitchen to go get started on desert. He was making Petra’s favorite type of cake. And he let me design it for her. I couldn’t do much but we had pink icing and some things that could be used to decorate it and I made it look nice. 

 

I spread the icing smoothly around the cake and took little sprinkles and put it on the side. Then I drew a tiny dancer on the side of the cake with an icing pen. I put some white around the edges and drew a little bow at the top of the cake as well. We wrote Petra in script and I wanted to put a little quote on it but I couldn’t think of it. Levi said I was overthinking it too much anyways.

 

Especially considering the fact that it is someone that I only knew sort of personally for a few days. But as a fan, hell yeah I know Petra. She is a really good dancer to me. I look up to her too actually. And Aurou. Even with his slightly stuck up personality that’ll only take some getting used to but whatever. So I guess I look up to all of the Titan Slayers. Even the former members that were there. They were all great dancers. But now I’m actually a part of them.

 

It’s still so surprising and so new to me. How they are so kind with it and how they accepted me without a single heartbeat. Actually being a part of a group that’s so much higher than the kids in a dance class on a social pyramid. But I still can’t believe they accepted me so easily. Most of it seemed to be something like a hunch as well as depending on Levi’s opinion but they weren’t rude to me like anyone else would expect semi famous people to be. They were all so welcoming. And I’m actually glad to be a part of them.

 

Anyways, we said our farewells to Petra that night and I ended up going home pretty late. Of course I was lucky enough that Mikasa was asleep but Armin on the other hand…

 

“Eren?” He called from the couch in the living room.

 

“…Shit.” I murmured.

 

“Why are you home so late? I thought you’d be home earlier.” He sounded as though he was just about to fall asleep or he just woke up. I mean. It was after 11 on a Monday and Armin usually goes to sleep a little earlier than us on school nights.

 

I opted to using the one excuse that I could even think of that would lead me to explain the least.

 

“You’re asleep. This is a dream. I was home all along.”

 

“Eren.”

 

“This is not Eren. This is the ghost of Eren. Oooooohhh.” I made ghostly noises. Maybe that would work.

 

“Eren. I may be tired, but I’m not stupid.”

 

Damnit Armin. Fuck you for having to be so smart.

 

“Fine. I just got caught up doing stuff…” There. That was a better answer.

 

“What stuff?” He pried and I sighed.

 

“I told you that I was only going to meet with that performer after school didn’t I?” I was sure that I did.

 

“No. You told Mikasa that you would. You told me that you were going to explain what was really happening later. It’s way passed later.” His arms were crossed from what I could see from my place still at the doorway. Armin was standing by the couch. He was staring at me with narrowed eyes. Or at least that’s what it looked like. It was hard to see since the only light in the area was the kitchen light.

 

And what he said was actually true. I did say I’d tell him later. I honestly didn’t even think that I’d be coming back so late. I thought that I’d be home at like 8 o’clock the latest. But that party dragged on and I lost track of time. Levi had to remind me that I was a student who had school. But I was actually a senior for his information. Still a student technically so that excuse was actually invalid.

 

I probably would have ended up staying later had it not been a Monday. Petra’s flight was actually at around 5 or 6 in the morning and she had to be at the airport an hour earlier to catch her flight. I didn’t know where specifically she was going but I just knew that it was definitely far from here. If I didn’t have school I probably would have stayed later if Levi allowed it. But unfortunately I do.

 

Plus Hanji was sort of drunk when I left and I don’t think I wanted to be around for that anyways. So maybe it was a good thing that I left early. Well, I didn’t technically leave. I was dropped off more like. Levi took me home again. Only difference would be that he dropped me off a block from my house upon request because I didn’t want to risk Mikasa being awake and seeing Levi and questioning him. Then she’d find out. I don’t want to tell her anything. Not yet at least.

 

But I knew I had to tell Armin at least something. He was more understanding than Mikasa was.

 

“Well it’s not a complete lie… I was talking to a performer. And he did drop me off so…” I trailed off a bit, turning my head away so I wouldn’t have to meet Armin’s gaze.

 

“Talking until 11pm?” he asked.

 

“Well. More than talking. It’s just, a lot to explain.” I sighed. Hopefully with that, he’ll let me put it off till tomorrow.

 

“I have time.” He said.

 

Or not.

 

I took a deep breath. “Can’t we just talk about this to-“

 

“Oh come on, Eren. You know that talking about it tomorrow always ends up meaning never. Is it bad?”

 

It’s not bad it’s just that I didn’t want them to know that I’m actually dancing again. They know that I stopped after my mom died. But they don’t know that I started again. And they don’t know about Levi or the Titan Slayers. But I also know that I can’t keep it from them forever. May as well start with Armin. And then eventually Mikasa. In a million years when I’m already dead.

 

“Fine.” I walked over to the couch and took a seat, he eventually sat as well. I took in a deep breath. It wasn’t that serious but it’s just. I’ve been keeping a secret from my best friend for a while and I guess I kind of feel a bit guilty for not really telling. It’s not serious but I’m just a bit scared I guess. I’m always scared.

 

“Okay. So remember the whole thing with my mom a few years ago? When I broke my leg and stuff?” I asked.

 

“How could I forget?” He sort of whispered that but I still heard and nodded.

 

“But remember how after that, I refused to ever dance again? How I never even tried anymore and I just sort of stopped?”

 

He nodded.

 

“Well, I did eventually start again. I just. I’ve always been dancing since I was able to move my leg well enough. And I’ve been too scared to do it in public or in front of anyone. Truth is that my mom was actually the only reason why I kept dancing and the day she died… I sort of blamed myself for it.”

 

“But it wasn’t your-“He started but I held up my hand to cut him off.

 

“Let me finish. I continuously told myself that because she died trying to get to me since I had to keep begging her, it was my fault that she died. The only reason why I danced was gone and it was my fault. That’s why I couldn’t do it anymore. Dancing alone was so torturous. Dancing in front of people is probably worse. Every time I even try anything, I just want to break down. I feel so bad about myself. It just reminds me that because of what I’m doing right then and there, my mother is gone.” I took in a shaky breath.

 

There was a gentle hand rubbing at my knee and comforting me. Of course it was Armin but I wasn’t even looking at him. I remained silent for a moment. Just taking deep breathes before I had to continue on to the present since I was mostly done saying what I had been feeling these past few years.

 

“So on to the present… Usually at work, they practice the sound system but it’s only in the auditorium. But the one time they did it throughout the entire building, I was in the bathroom and I was listening to the song and I was dancing around and everything. I hadn’t even been thinking. I thought the bathroom was empty but someone was in there – the performer I was telling you about – and he saw me and he was watching me. I didn’t even notice till I saw him in the mirror. I made a run for it and he chased after me and he –“

 

“He didn’t hurt you or anything did he?” Armin asked with a hint or worry. Sounding a bit like Mikasa.

 

“No! No!” I reassured him. But he technically did hurt me because he had me against the wall. Armin doesn’t need to know that. “He more or less trapped me in a small space so he can talk to me. Turns out he’s part of a dance group, The Titan Slayers.” Before I could continue, Armin cut me off.

 

“Wait! Is he short with thin eyes? And an undercut?” His eyes were wide and he had this big grin on his face.

 

“Yeah, why –“

 

“Oh my gosh! You talked to Levi! What’s he like in person? Is he really as short as people say he is? What’s his personality like? You’re so lucky Eren that’s not fair!”

 

I paused. Is Armin fanboying?

 

“How do you-“

 

“Who doesn’t know the Titan Slayers?”

 

So apparently they’re more famous then Wikipedia says. And way more famous than they let on. I mean they aren’t having cups of tea with Beyoncé or Madonna but they’re definitely up there. Especially if Armin knows them because Armin isn’t usually one to sit around and watch YouTube videos all day. Let alone choreography because Armin doesn’t even dance.  

 

“They’re so cool! And they’re name is so unique! And don’t get me started on the members. Levi, Petra, and Aurou are so amazing! I love the way they dance. They’re like three different types of dancers coming together and making something so… so… I don’t even know! I especially like Levi! He seems so cool especially in interviews.”

 

Wait until you meet him in real life. He’s definitely a really cool asshole.

 

And wait until you find out that I’m actually a part of the Titan Slayers now.

 

“Back to the story. He offered me a position. One of their members, Petra, had to leave the group for a while because of something that came up and they were in search of a new member and… well… Levi asked me if I would join.”

 

The look on Armin’s face was priceless. Like his eyes grew wide and he had this big ass smile on his face. I swear I never knew he was such a fan. But then again, since the incident we haven’t really talked much about dance at all.

 

“That’s amazing! Do you know what that means?!” He basically shouted.

 

I immediately covered his mouth with my hand. “Shhh. Not too loud. You’ll wake Mikasa up.”

 

Usually I was on the receiving side of that because I’m usually the loud one so this entire thing felt a bit odd to me.

 

He nodded and I removed my hand. “Sorry. That means that you’re actually going to be famous.” He said with a voice quieter than before.

 

I shrugged. I didn’t know about that but I guess he was right. I’m excited but still a bit surprised at how incredibly amazing this is. But I was also still kind of scared about everything.

 

I guessed Armin sensed it because he put a hand on my shoulder and gave me a reassuring smile. “It’s okay to be scared but remember to be proud because your talents are what have you in this position. This is a once in a life time opportunity Eren. Be happy about it.” He said.

 

“I am happy! Just.. I don’t know how I’d be dancing on stage in front of so many people.” And once more, I know what It’s like to lose a once in a life time opportunity.

 

“You’ve done it before, right? So you should be able to do it again.”

 

“But that was different, Armin. She was there before.” My voice lowered a bit and I looked down at myself. My hands. I was trembling. This was just so pathetic. I was so pathetic. No I am pathetic. I shouldn’t be this scared because of something that happened years ago. Four years ago to be exact.

 

“I know but she wouldn’t want you to sit around moping like this. She wouldn’t even want you to blame yourself.”

 

I wanted to shout something like ‘you don’t know her’ and ‘you don’t know what she wanted’ but that wouldn’t be true. I’d be lying to myself. Armin and his family have known mine for years. So he’s known my parents for a while. He and my mom got along just as much as my mom and I got along. Armin was there for me before Mikasa even. And he still is. He knows so much more about me than Mikasa even knows.

 

“She’d want you to keep going because she’s watching over you.”

 

Then why does it feel like she’s gone? People always say that when someone dies, ‘they’re always with you’ and ‘they’re always in your heart’ but why do you still feel so alone and so empty? That’s why those words have never been enough to get me by.

 

“And even if it doesn’t seem like it, we’re here for you too.”

 

“But it’s just not the same.” My voice came out shaky.

 

“It won’t be the same but you can try to make it seem like it is. Getting over your fears is hard but all you can do to get over them is look them in the eye and make them fear you.”

 

Moments later, I found myself being pulled into an embrace. My face buried in his chest and my hands gripping his shirt. I hadn’t even realized that I was crying until I felt my entire body shaking. Until he told me that it was okay to cry.

 

I don’t even know why I was getting so worked up. Maybe it was because I really was more scared then I anticipated and he actually made me realize it. Maybe it was the thought of my mother. I don’t know but I was just… crying.

 

“We’re here for you. Me and Mikasa and everyone else. We may not be her but we’re as her as we’re going to get. Just remember that you’ll never be as alone or as scared as you are as long as we’re around.”

 

Maybe it was because I was glad to have someone like Armin to make me feel okay. Someone that always knew what to say to me when I wasn’t okay. Someone who could hear what I was saying without me even saying it.

 

I can’t be any more thankful than I am to have a best friend like Armin.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm seriously sorry for the length of this chapter and how boring it is and sorry if this isnt what you expect but it was still good for the plot. The next chapter definitely promises actual dancing. I promise.  
> I'll try to get it up sooner. But on a better note, THANKS FOR 3000 HITS OMG YOU GUYS ARE SO AMAZING
> 
> I'm also sorry for the formatting of this chapter. I had to post it on my phone because the internet on my computer isnt working well enough to even let me open up Internet Explorer -3- i promise to fix it up soon >~


	8. Update

Hey guys. I know you were probably expecting an update. I had planned to rewrite certain parts of the fic. And i definitely did but.. My computer got a virus on it and my father took it to get it cleaned out without letting me know. I lost everything. All of the stories, the editted chapters and so on. I don't even have Microsoft Word on it. Everything is gone. This happened not too long ago and I have yet to have even started working on it again because everything that I did is gone.  
I'm sorry guys. I really want to finish this fanfiction. There are still so many thing that I have planned for this fanfiction and I'm sorry that I've been sitting and moping around for so long. I just feel very unmotivated now and I have felt this way lately. But school will be ending for me soon and I have the entire summer to get back on track.  
I'm trying so hard to get over myself and get back in the fanfiction game. I'm trying very hard. Please wait for me guys. I promise i'll have a new and improved version of Scarred Dancer up soon.   
Once more, I am very sorry that this isn't an update. Please keep waiting if you are. Don't give up on this fanfiction and I won't either because reading all of your comments and seeing hoe many people like this fic help me feel a bit motivated again. So thank you so much for your patience.   
I love you guys so much! <3   
And for like the third time, I'm so SORRY.


	9. Hello there~!

Hey guys. It's been months. I've actually been on a bit of a hiatus for a while for several reasons aside from my computer.!But guess what? My computer is fixed up with microsoft and everything. I also got a usb drive and what not. I did lose a lot of the things I did for this fic before but I'll defintely begin working on it again soon.   
I am definitely redoing this fic. (As in adding and changing a few things to make it less confusing.) because looking back on it and reading it over, it's confusing. I have many ideas for this fic that'll help it become much better.   
Expect it to take some time because I have not written much of anything in a while.   
I also started up school so even then, it'll probably take a while because I have clubs and what not-  
And I also apologize for not updating in like a year? Wow. I give you permission to shoot me as many times as you want. 

But look forward to reading this fanfic! I promise that I'll have everything fixed up and what not soon! And then we'll get to the next chapter~!

I love you guys! And if you're actually still waiting for this, I love you and i'm giving you hugs and cookies. 

Once again, I am extremely sorry for being gone so long. 

~Love, Zennezzy


	10. Final Update.

Hello. Basically, for anyone who had been following this fic and waiting for an update, I'm popping in to tell you that there will not be one. Ever. I'm sorry (sorta).  
It's not because I lost interest in ereri. It shall live on, forever.  
(Unlike this fic, haha)  
I pretty much lost interest in doing this fic in general and found myself doing other projects that I believe would be worth my time. After two years of trying to rewrite and reading the story, I realized that there was no hope. I can't seem to bring this story back to life.  
Instead, I have been writing an actual story with my friend instead. It is definitely gay and hella adventurous. Also incredibly humorous. You can read it [here.](https://www.wattpad.com/myworks/63241594-extroverted)

If you'd like to keep track of me in general, not that any of you would, here is some of my social media stuff. 

Instagrams:   
@blxckconvxrse (aesthetic)  
@Approvedbypan (art)  
@lightlygay (Yaoi and amvs)  
@vol.klance.tron (Voltron yaoi)  
@aphotickismet (my friend's instagram. I was paid in printed out overused LOL cat memes stapled onto food to do this.)

Tumblr:  
blxckconvxrse  
approvedbypan

Anyways. I am sorry for putting your hopes up and stuff, but this account will most likely be going inactive. It was nice reading your comments and seeing your feedback so thank you for that! It's hella appreciative. 

Goodbye.  
~Zennezzy


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